How am I ever going to make friends?

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I’m going off to college soon, so thankfully, I’ll be away from all of the judgmental people who have been making my life a living nightmare for the past 6 years, but I’m still not sure what I’m going to do once I get to that point. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to act. I feel like I have too much emotional baggage to really get close to anyone, and I’m afraid that I’ll end up distancing myself from people, just like I have my entire life. I’m scared, because I just want to find at least one person that I can relate to and can comfort me, and is willing to help lift me out of the void. Or maybe I’m just really selfish for wanting that. I don’t know. I just don’t want to be alone anymore…

Category: asked February 16, 2015

6 Answers

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You're definitely not selfish for wanting that, that's what friends are for. Usually what happens when people are scared of not being liked is they pretend to be somebody they're not. That never ends well. There really isn't any secret trick to making friends, it's just a matter of putting yourself out there. You can't expect to be anyone other than who you really are, otherwise people will not be friends with you. They'll be friends with who you're trying to be. Try joining clubs that match your interests, don't be afraid to say hello, and try to keep a positive attitude. If you look sad people will think you want to be alone and might not know how to approach you. Of course that's not always true, but from my experience I've always been deep in my own thoughts and it's obvious when I'm like that. Usually people don't want to interrupt you in that state. You might not have much self confidence after going through all of that, but remember that it's much easier to put yourself out there if you love yourself. That's not something that comes easy, I understand that, so hopefully you can build confidence up over time. Just a major tip of advice, don't trust people easily. You probably know this, but I'm saying it anyways. It's not that hard to get along with people, it's not that difficult to joke and have a good time. You'll find plenty of people who can do that. What you're really looking for, a good friend, takes a lot of time. Putting all of your trust in someone is a huge risk to take, especially if you just met them. So, to sum it all up, just be who you are. That's the main point. There's no other way. Don't be afraid to seek contact, you'll naturally meet a lot of people. Take a lot of time to get to know somebody, put a little bit of trust in them at a time and see how they think. If they're understanding and caring, hopefully over time it can become a wonderful friendship. One more thing, don't think that your friends have to share the same hobbies and thoughts as you do. You're not trying to find clones, you're trying to find friends. If all of your friends are like you, then chances are they'll make the same mistakes you did. Nobody needs a yes man, having friends who think differently can help a lot in dealing with problems because it gives a different perspective.
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But... I don't know how to act like myself. I don't really know who I am. I've been having to lie to so many people, I don't even know what the truth is sometimes. All my life, I've felt like a hollow puppet, simply going through the motions and doing what people expect of me. I really don't know who I am or what kinds of people I'll become friend with once I'm no longer restricted by my parents and by my community.
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I can see why this is scary for you, you're not used to this freedom. That's alright, it just means you'll get to learn. This is your chance to see what you like, what you don't like, you'll learn a lot about yourself. It's okay to be scared, but you have to know that everything will work out. I know that sounds like it's BS, but hear me out for a second. Any mistake you make from now on, any choice, will be one that YOU make. Even if it feels like you don't know who you are, the paths that you take are ultimately in your hands. Any other person might make different decisions. So even though you feel so unsure, just by doing the things you're doing right now, you are being yourself. Nothing happens for no reason, nothing you do will be a waste. You will learn from everything that happens, whether good or bad. That's really all you can hope to do. It's part of discovering yourself. By saying that everything will work out, I'm not saying that it'll rain diamonds and rainbows will suddenly burst across the sky. I'm saying that there is no way to be somebody other than yourself. Even by lying to people, it's something that you are doing, and you will face the consequences. So don't be scared to make mistakes, you really can't do something that you wouldn't do. Otherwise you wouldn't be you.
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Think about the person you'd like to be. Think of all the traits you think you have, or would like to have. Would you like to be outgoing? would you like to be a nice, calm, loving person? Do you want to infect others with a smile? Just think about it for a while, think about what you would like to be. And then act like it. Convince yourself you are nice, you are funny, say it over and over again, and in time, it'll come true.Give yourself confidence, be happy, relax, unwind!. Maybe you won't get to vent and be comforted the minute you step into college, but with a nice, positive attitude, anything is possible. You'll make friends in no time, just don't put mental obstacles for yourself saying "I won't.." "I can't..." Negative words are obstacles and we need those out of the way!!Look at yourself in the mirror, Smile at yourself!! Tell yourself how great you look, and even if you don't see anything you like, try concentrating on the "least" worst thing about you! Maybe it's your big beautiful eyes?? Or you might have fantastic hair? no? doesn't matter, look at that awesome skin on dat face, ooh yeah!You've been living in the dark far too long, and you gotta run and jump out that void and into the light, don't think too much about it, don't be scared, don't overthink it! Just DO IT. If stupid people all over the world can live life happily without a care in the world, so can you!! <3 lolLove you, Stranger!! You can hit me up with a message whenever you feel like talking to a pumped up crazy happy person. (Believe me, with all the shit in my life, if i didn't smile, i think i would spontaneously combust!!)Good Luck!!!
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I don't really know if I can find that confidence. I tried very hard in the past to make friends, but for some reason, people always pushed me away. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong or something's wrong with me. I feel inadequate for human affection.
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just be yourself and dont be afraid to socialize with new people. complimenting people is a good way to start conversation, thats how i make most of my friends. once you feel like the person seems loyal enough, then give them bits of information, nothing big at first, just to see if you can trust them. dont hold onto anyone that does shitty things. just be confident and dont be afraid to open up and let people in. good luck, you'll do great :)