Help with my brother?


Ok so, this problem regards the relationship between my brother and I (he’s 18, I’m 21). Since we were kids we were like twins: ALWAYS together. We would share the candies they gave us, we would share lunch and dinner, we would play all day in the most creative way possible, even our diaries and and our workbooks for drawing were shared (half page was written or draw by him, and half by me). I was so into it, that even if in middle school I was alone and didn’t want to have friends, I was happy having my best buddy near me: yet, I was a little mean to him, because I was still the bigger one, and sometimes we would fight for this, but we would quickly make peace playing or watching a cartoon.

But our relationship changed when I entered high school. He was still the joyful little kid with energy and a lot of friends (he was that kind of person in your class that is active and makes you laugh: that kind of classmate you can’t avoid) so he searched for me a lot of times to play, and it all begun there, with continous fights. They were even more frequently, but you know, he’s the type that teases you until you become crazy, and laughs at you. So everyday was like this: he would enter my room without knocking, asking me to play, than tease me until I explode because I didn’t want to play, and goes away.
Until now, I’ve never felt sorry because, you know, it was a hard time for me with the studies and my parents (I lost an year of school after that, so it was hell for me). That year we broke the bond, and you don’t know how much I miss it.

I think he understood what I was going through, because I don’t remember him teasing me anymore after. So, without realizing it, he grow up: he became taller than me and with a deep voice; he became a rap music lover, a gamer and, as he was as a kid, full of friends. He didn’t need me anymore.
I could see he changed. That cheerful boy I once knew, who would rush to my mother if she needed help, or would always smile and laugh, became gloomy and quiet.

And now, after this loooong story (sorry) I’m asking you how to rebound our connection. We actually have another brother, and he as well lost a little contact with him (they talk, but he never know what to talk about to him).
So yeah, that’s pretty much how it is. Years ago, when he had a girlfriend, I always found out by our friends of from my mother, he never told me anything about his love life, and it’s ok, but I wish he could come to me sometimes and vent or talk, without me asking him “Hey how was your day” with that same answer “normal”, and then I have to be specific “Yeah, but WHAT happened?”.

Thanks, and I’m so sorry it came out so long… :)

asked February 24, 2015

4 Answers

Why not ask his to hang out and talk about the good times that you had with him when you were younger? Since you guys are past high school (it seems), it wouldn't hurt to talk about how things have changed. He is your brother, don't be afraid to ask him to do things. He should be your best friend and you, his. Maybe something is happening internally with him or externally and he doesn't want to share. there can be many reasons for him losing contact, but it's best to ask instead of wondering what happened. I would bond with my brother by taking him places that you both enjoy and bringing up the times you had together when you were younger.
The thing is, I already tried different approaches. I asked him to hang out, but he's always tired/doesn't want to/has an upcoming match in a game online. Whenever I talk to him, I feel that he's not listening. Yet, it's true that sometimes he comes to me to make me see a video he liked or listen a song, but that's it. I'm not afraid of talking to him, but sometimes I just lose my temper when I'm talking to him seriously and he just tease me (againg) and laugh. So, we automatically end up fighting (again). He's a difficult person, I still can't understand him anymore, but I want him to come to me when he needs, and when he does (and it's rare) I'm really glad he came to me and not to a random friend.
Well, it's true that I miss our old relationship, but since we're big now it would be really hard and awkward to rebuild that bond, and we changed so, of course I wish to have a new realtionship with him. I would like to do something with him, but I have such little time with him (since I started college I live away from home, and I come back once in a while). But I'll try to do something, we're brothers, and I don't want to turn at him to find him elsewhere.
what are other things that he likes doing for example you said hes in to gaming try to play maybe video games with him or a sport. My friends tease me a lot, my brother a nd my guy friends do too . I understand it can get annoying sometimes but I just keep my cool or tease them back and that actually made us closer for some reason