I’ve been dating Amanda for just about a year now. I love spending time with her and she makes me feel very comfortable with myself. About six months into the relationship she had a male friend in town that she hadn’t seen in a while. She told me she was going to grab a drink with him and catch up on old times. I had no problem with this, but I found out later that he stayed at her place. I expressed to her that I was very uncomfortable with that and I felt betrayed. She convinced me that he only stayed on the couch and that I had no reason to not trust her. I told her as long as she never lets any male friends stay at her house again that I’d let it go.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t let it go completely. I did something I am not proud of, I started to check her phone messages. This only lasted for a few weeks and I stopped. The next five months or so I stopped worrying and tried to enjoy my time with her. It’s been good. A month ago she was using my computer and logged into Facebook and forgot to log out. She was using a different browser than I usually use so I was unaware until two weeks ago. When I opened this browser it went to her Facebook. I was curious and looked at her messages, not proud.
She had recently reached out to a guy a told him that she used to have a huge crush on him while they were in school. The next day the message was gone. Since then she has reached out to another guy and again expressed to him that she used to have a huge crush on him. They flirted back and forth for a few days, but eventually she deleted the messages.
Since I’ve been dating her some of her stories she tells me don’t add up. I feel like she lies about little things that don’t matter, but it’s not often. She typically is really fun to be with and someone I can talk to and vice versa, but I can’t shake these feeling. I really want to talk to her about my trust issues. At the same time I can’t really tell her that I’ve been snooping.
Is there a tactful way to tell her that I can’t trust her without exposing myself?