I think a common misconception about feminism is that it's about "women being better than men". Which is a lie. It's the idea that women are people just like men and should be treated in all ways as such. It's a silly assumption to think that feminism is in any way linked to female superiority, because once people start thinking that one sex is better than the other, then it's no longer feminism, anyways. It's just misogyny and misandry. In all honesty, feminism is really just humanism: it would help erase both misogyny and misandry.
Know that it's understandable to have such a deep anger towards men. You are a feminist: you recognize the severity of the sexism that resides in the world today and all that perpetuates it. Feminism isn’t about female domination, it calls for all genders to be able to express their sexualities and have sex the way that they please. You should feel comfortable doing what feels natural, which will probably mean that you will sometimes initiate and they will sometimes initiate.
With heteronormative relationships, it fits all the gender roles and stereotypes: that men have penises, are stronger, and are dominant, while women are submissive and there for a man’s pleasure. There’s usually a sense of “belonging” like an object. Obviously, this is sexist. This heteronormative aspect is what you fear. But your relationship isn’t heteronormative, it’s just heterosexual, which can be completely different.
Remember that you fell in love with this person for a reason. Like you said, you don't even fit into the traditional gender roles that have been assigned to you. Being in a heterosexual relationship is not the same thing as being in a heteronormative relationship, which your relationship is not. You love each other and you look at each other as equals.
You don't need to "get over" anything. This is a legitimate problem that you need to worry about. You love this person, but you harbor a lot of bitter feelings towards being in a heterosexual relationship. Please understand that there is nothing wrong with being in a heterosexual relationship.
You already know that he doesn't fit into the male gender expectations and is likely also a feminist as well … remember that it’s not him you’re mad at, it’s what society and its double standards and limitations that are angering you. He is likely not the one at fault, and neither are you: it’s the fault of society, the media, and double standards and rich white cisgender male privilege. You’re not the problem and neither is he.
All you have to do is talk with him about it and work it out. Figure out ways to deal with this bitterness. Remember where your anger is truly directed, and make sure to remind him that you love him no matter what and understand all this. And make sure he says the same. Your relationship is lovely—there’s nothing wrong at all with it. Do your best to work things out, and I’m sure you’ll be fine.