Hate the way I look?

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I absolutely hate my body, I have done for years. I used to be so skinny when I was about 13/14 and then as soon as I hit puberty I just got bigger. I exercise like crazy but I still can’t stand looking at myself. Also I’m covered in self harm marks from years of both cutting and burning. I never really realised how hateful I was of myself until I went on holiday. Now I see how disgusting I am. Is there anyway at all I can begin to feel happier in the skin I’m in? I spent the whole holiday wrapped up as I couldn’t bare to be in a bikini. I’m 18.

asked May 30, 2013

4 Answers

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There are many spray on make up for skin legs and arms that are water resistant and would cover those marks and scars as a temporary way to feel more secure. But deeper is the pain that caused you to harm your body. This takes more time. At 18 you have just survived the most judgemental image conscious hell you will ever face in your life! After school no one judges you this harshly try not to be so hard on yourself :)
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Acceptance comes from within. You've taken the first, big step, since you've accepted that you shouldn't harm yourself. Of course, as All My Angels says, after high school the peer pressure is reduced greatly, so that helps you as well.You're not disgusting: those marks left on you are scars of the war you've waged on yourself. Unlike lots of other people, you've emerged victorious out of that fight. You've come to accept yourself a little bit, and ask here for help. I think you should be proud of that.However, as is always the case, there is precious little that we, the kind strangers, can do in the long term. You need to rely on your family and friends since they can reinforce the support you need to keep pushing. Mainly, they accept you and they love you, so you should learn how to accept and love yourself from them. That you've finished high school allows you as well to try and meet other people, in other ambiances, who you can relate better with and who won't judge you. In other words, people who will love you for being you.
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At one point in time we have all hated our selfs, the past is the past and it in no way defines your future. The thing that people will never realize is we arn't made to be perfect and every little imperfection makes you unique. If you work out and take care of yourself then you are skinnier then anyone I know! You are healthy, you work out, be proud of that. You have the will and determination to do anything. Don't judge yourself by your reflection in the mirror, but if you do make sure you see who you really are.. you are a perfect you. So keep taking care of your self, keep working out and try new things, meet new people because your only starting life and you have so much more to live :)
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Just some inspiration for you: My girlfriend has scars all over her body from self harm; they are very pronounced and not easy to hide with clothing or bathing suits and impossible to cover with makeup. She is recovering, but the stars are still there. She has also gained weight this past year, which is just another reason for her to feel uncomfortable in her body, especially at the beach. We went on vacation with friends last weekend and spent time on the beach. It was her first time wearing a bathing suit in years, and she weighs about fifty pounds more than she did the last time she wore one. She looked beautiful and confident, our friends were all really accepting and proud, and no one else on the beach made any negative comments. You can be happy in your body no matter what. Just embrace who you are and love yourself because you deserve it.