I’m a 24 year old female that has been hang sexual relations with my best friend (who is a female) for the past 6 years. We’ve known each other for 10years. Whenever she gets a man she drops me and always comes back when things are going downhill. Its like she always knows how to reel me back in. We had a real active sex life then that deteriorated. How I feel is like she tolerates me because she knows I give her anything she wants. My cousin says she ( my best friend) wants me to just be dominant and she’d give in but idk I just really don’t know if to think she’s using me or not. Most of the time she does things to hurt me then out of the blue she’d come and sweep me off my feet…sigh help please

Tags: asked May 27, 2014

4 Answers

I don't believe that's a healthy relationship. I had an ex who was like that. Actually two exes. The one cheated on me with multiple men, but I always forgave her and then she dumped me for one guy and kept seeing someone she cheated on me with. The other treated me horribly until I would cry and then reel me back in. I say forget her because it's going to hurt you in the long run. Find someone who wants you, for you, and would stay with you no matter what comes along because they believe they have the best. She is using you as a rebound and to get what she wants. Put your foot down and tell her how enough is enough and that you're done. No one needs that negativity especially since you're nice enough to take her back.
I absolutely agree with brianna - that is an unhealthy relationship. To answer your question, yes, I think she is using you and I think she treats you like you're disposable, and that is WRONG. I personally would feel very frustrated in that situation and I would want to get out of that relationship, but I understand that love can be complicated. As for why she does it - I know someone similar who dated my friend a few years ago. Very naive girl from a homophobic family who had homosexual tendencies but didn't think that sex between two girls could count as sex because a man wasn't involved. She went back and forth, playing games just like your girlfriend until the girl she was with finally threw in the towel and left her. No one deserves to be treated that way. You deserve better. I can't make the decision for you, but my advice is to let her go.
You seem to be a second choice in this scenario, simply a fallback for when her relations with others begin to worsen. No one should be treated that way-- I've often heard that indecision is a decision, that someone only seeking your affections for fleeting periods of time upon his or her own convenience is unhealthy. If she's simply leveraging her charm to win you back over after she says and does hurtful things, that's downright manipulative. I say that you need to cut things off with her for good. Though difficult at first, you'll start to find yourself much happier and better off than before, without the constant wondering as to whether or not this relationship will find fulfillment and stability.
No matter how hard I try...it's like I feel super unhappy without her but yet i don't feel that much stressed. Ive allowed myself to become to dependent on her for happiness. Urghh it's really hard