I’m feeling guilty over me ruining my last relationship. It’s been two years now, though, and I still can’t get over my feelings for her or over the guilt I feel for ruining it. How do I shake these feelings so I can just… move on?

Category: Tags: asked October 31, 2014

2 Answers

Without some context the only advice can be to meet people, if you find someone who distracts you from these thoughts you'll be ok. Otherwise why did it end, why do you feel guilty and how much is it actually messed up, is it a lost cause or are you perhaps so lost in guilt that it could be patched up but your guilt is getting in the way?
I was confused by the question too. When you say it's been 2 years now, do you mean the relationship lasted 2 years, or it's been over for 2 years? Because to carry guilt for two years after a relationship has ended, and also to still have feelings two years later might require some therapy, instead of just trying to meet another person like someone suggested earlier. If you're walking around 2 years later with no contact from your ex, then you could have a problem with obsession or maybe you've used the guilt as an excuse to avoid getting to know anyone new because you are simply afraid? It's to know when you've not provided us much to work with, as someone also pointed out. If, on the other hand, you were saying that it was a two year relationship and you were not giving us the date that it ended, then perhaps it ended recently? What is it you feel guilty about? Is it something that you can apologize for? Will she speak to you to hear your apology? You said you wanted to move on. Maybe you just need to ask for forgiveness and be forgiven in order to move forward in life and be able to let it go. Another option, if she won't talk to you or accept your apology is to accept the fact that she will not forgive you, but make a commitment to yourself not to do the same thing again, and take preventative measures (like if you do bad things when you drink, make sure you don't drink anymore) so that you're not in the same situation. And make sure you treat other people in a better way than the way you treated her. I had a dog that I was horrible to when I was younger and he's long gone now but there's nothing I can do to take it back. I was just young and stupid. But over the years I've gotten other dogs and I've shown them more love and kindness than I've ever shown a human being. There are ways to make up for your sins by being kind and loving to other people. It's best to get *her forgiveness though since that is specific to the guilt you carry with you but like I said, if she won't hear you out, then you need to just accept that you did the best you could, you apologized for your mistakes and then when you move forward, you make sure you don't make the same mistakes with new people.Or, if she still has feelings for you too, then you put yourself in therapy and get some help and support with these guilt and shame feelings you have in order to make yourself whole for her again. It really just depends on the specific details of your situation. Have you asked her for forgiveness?