Grieving and Confused

My friend passed away a couple weeks ago. It was really sudden and shocking. He was only 18. At first they thought it was suicide, but now they’re pretty sure it was an accident. I don’t which would be worse; the fact the he was hurting and didn’t want to live anymore, or if he was okay and wanted to live but won’t get the chance now. I’m friends with his two sisters as well, and they’re taking it really hard of course. He was the baby of the family. I just don’t know how to handle this. I’ve cut, burned myself… An adult I know said if I don’t stop they’ll tell my parents. I’ve punched holes in the walls. The only thing my dad has said to me about it was “Look on the bright side– you don’t have to go to school Friday,” in regards to the funeral being on a Friday. My mom tried to listen at first, but now she just rolls her eyes at me when I start crying. It’s been a while now, and I thought I’d be better by now. But it stills hurts and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I get an overwhelming sensation of guilt. The night he died, me and a bunch of friends, including one of his sisters, were over at my friend’s house. I was going to ask him to come with, but I didn’t and then he died. I can’t help but blame myself; if I’d just invited him, he’d still be here. I hate myself so much for not doing anything, and now I have to live with this…

Category: Depression Tags: death death of a loved one friends grief grieving asked November 27, 2013

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Monica

6 Answers

The best advice I have is for you to seek a medical professional, licensed therapist, or counselor in order to better find coping mechanisms that are healthy and safe for you. You can reach out without your parents knowing, as the confidentiality agreements existing only are voided if you were to attempt to take your own life. Reach out to people, dear. Friends, other family, doctors, strangers…there's no better way to learn to recover than from talking about it and going from there. I wish you all the luck in the world, and I am deeply sorry for your loss.

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Nipsy_

207

I don't know if you've ever heard anything about this before, but from what you said it sounds like your around the fourth stage of grief. It's totally normally to be angry or upset or whatever after someone you care about or even just know dies. This is one of the most difficult parts to go through. But one of the most important things is that you cannot blame yourself. I don't want to tell you what or what not to do, but it's not fair for you to be hurting yourself because of his death. He's your friend, and it sounds like he was important to you. If he was still alive, I know he wouldn't want you hurting yourself. I know sometimes there's not a lot of ways to handle these kinds of things, especially in your situation where your parents aren't being very supportive. Truth is, this is gonna take time. I feel it'd really help you to find people you can relate to and that understand your pain. I'm not saying your parents don't, but it doesn't seem like they're responding in the best way for you right now. Like Nipsy said above, don't be afraid to reach out to people. There's people that want to be there for you; find them. I know you'll be able to support them and they'll be able to support you through this tough time for you. Really, goodluck with this. I really do wish the best for you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Nico

Death is always a confusing thing to deal with, having someone gone forever would make anyone mad. I agree with Nipsy_, you should go out to get professional help. Until then though, feel free to cry, feel free to get angry. Cutting yourself and burning is something I suggest you don't do to let out feelings. In the end those scars will just remind you of the pain. Your family does care that you are in pain, they just no longer know what to do, everything they have tried to help you with seems to not be working. My greatest condolences, and I'm pretty sure your friend would never have wanted you to be in pain.

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Julybug

108

I agree with the people before me, seek professional help or just find somebody who will listen to you talk. As for how you are hurting yourself, try running or some form of exercise instead of doing that. it is gonna be rough but it'll get better.

I lost someone extremely important to me too, as much as this sounds depressing i dont think it ever gets easier, its been just over a year for me now and its only just starting to sink in that they're really gone. I think grieving is different for everyone, and you DONT nessicarly need help yes its good to talk to people but sometimes that doesn't help, but hurting yourself isn't the answer. i know its kinda clique to say that 'thats not what he would want' but its true in a way, im sure he wouldn't want you to suffer. You're not alone, I promise you.

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