Girls & Guys, Romantics, Non-romantics, anyone’s advice is appreciated.

0

I feel like if I don’t let this out of my mind soon I may explode. I am a 20 year old male, and I want to reconnect with my ex. (Whoa, you want to reconnect with your ex? That’s weird as fuck.) No, it’s not. We just left in a really awkward place. I’ll explain.

We were college students, doing a long distance relationship. (I see why people say they fail now.) And I had all the faith in the relationship, I guess. After she started getting busier with friends, school, balancing it all I kinda fell off the grid. It’s natural when people get busy and they don’t have as much time for one another as they used to. Is the way I always have justified it to myself, because as naïve as it sounds I just don’t want to assume things and waste my time with negative thoughts. So anyways, we fought one day, and it was completely brought on by her. She sounded so distraught kinda confused, not herself, which made me lead to thinking she had done something, or something had happened. And suddenly she called wanting a break from me. And then, that Sunday night she had told me that she wasn’t in love with me anymore, that she thinks she just loves me as a friend, could we be friends? And she said that she hated knowing that she hurt me, but she was so so so emotionless when she said all of this and it scared the shit out of me. And I didn’t say anything. A few days later I text her like nothing happened, obviously I didn’t call her my girlfriend anymore. And it seemed kinda awkward and she started givin’ me advice that I needed to take time to myself, I needed to do this do that. Because she’s been through the “I don’t love you as a lover but as a friend” thing before.

There’s a side story to that, my ex girlfriend had been traumatically broken up with before in the same month. but only this person had came and slept with her before deciding to go home and then text her! The fact that he wasn’t feeling it anymore. And I kinda have naïve thoughts about it as well, thinking that maybe she wanted to hurt me before I hurt her. Well, the point is we never discussed her feelings, it was suddenly like she had no feelings at all. I couldn’t get a word out of her about it once it happened. And I pressed to get nothing. So, I stopped texting her for a while and then her and her family were having some problems. So, I was trying to be supportive through that, but she still wasn’t being honest to me about how she felt. And I kinda pushed it again, when I knew I shouldn’t have. but I wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone. Ya know? Well, that led us to our final good-bye so to speak. She basically told me to forget about her, that I’ll do me and she’ll do her. And you know, I guess those would be considered good terms? right? No one cussed another out, etc.

She was pushing me away though. At the time, all the pressure she was under she just wasn’t herself. And I tried to justify to myself over and over. But, I can’t anymore. I have since moved on from this relationship like my romantic feelings towards this girl are no longer in tact. Which is good. but I can’t forget about her either, she taught me to feel the way no one ever could, she also taught me how to love, she gave me a look into what I want my future wife to be, then suddenly it wasn’t there anymore. It blows my mind every time I talk about it, but I’m a stubborn dude. I tried to talk to my parents about it before and they told me not to worry about it because it’s like “you’ll never see her anyways, she lives far away…” every time.

Those thoughts don’t even begin to justify my feelings. In our relationship, we had a mutual friend, Issac. Issac was awesome dude. He really helped me through the break up, but I feel like he wasn’t really there to support me either because he was more on her side than he was on my side. Even if he did say he was Switzerland (I don’t know if get that reference). I just I didn’t get the complete relief from it. So, I turned to girl after girl, to retrieve some kind of feeling, I guess. But, I noticed I’m just numb as before emotionally. Until, I met someone who really enjoys my company, who likes me, we are in a relationship right now actually. But, I don’t feel like I can give myself to her because of my ex… as stupid as that sounds.

So, this mutual dude we have in common, reblogged something from her blog the other day. And I freaked out, saw the url, I wasn’t even thinkin’ of her and I got to her page, saw her picture and felt my heart flutter. Legitimately flutter, it hasn’t done that in a long time. I realized I miss her, I miss her so fuckin’ much. I can’t say I want her back into my life, I can’t say I want her back as my girlfriend, I can’t even say I want to be her friend. I just want to know how she is. So, I sent her a message on tumblr and I was telling her I hoped that everything was going good, etc. And I get anxiety about this kind of stuff, I guess I self-doubt myself a lot. So, I haven’t checked my tumblr.

I also realized this might go one of two ways. A.) She accepts my apology, maybe she wants an apology, maybe she’ll apologize, and maybe she’ll want to rekindle something. or B.) Not even reply, not even give two shits about my apology, doesn’t want an apology, doesn’t give one, and doesn’t want shit to do with me. I think I’ve accepted both of those ideas, but more so the idea of us rekindling, but I would be okay if she rejected it because it’s probably for her own good? I don’t know. I know, I don’t think this is fair to my now girlfriend, that I’m thinking about my ex, the fact that I see her face in strangers randomly, I just think about her randomly, I don’t know. maybe I’m not over her completely even though I detached myself from her completely. Am I a shitty dude? I’m starting to feel like one.

You know, it’s just weird because we went from thinkin’ we were fated together by two dancing stars in the galaxy (I know cheesy) but then we suddenly became nothing. And sadly, that’s not okay for me. I’ll admit it. But, who knows she could be missing me too and the universe was sending me signs. or maybe I’m just seeing what I want to see and I’m just a sick stalker. I don’t fuckin’ know. Someone save me from my thoughts please.

I don’t know what kind of advice I need her. I just needed to get this off my chest. If anyone has any advice on what I should do, if anything please don’t hesitate to message me, or post a comment on this blog. I’d really appreciate it. Sorry this was so long but I have a lot of emotions in my head.

Category: Tags: asked September 1, 2015

3 Answers

0
I am neither a romantic or a non romantic, just a bit of both I guess. Anyway I may not be the best person to answer this so if you think I am wrong just ignore this. I think your best chance of finding what happened is to ask your mutual friend about it. If I were you, I would ask him to honestly answer it whether you would get hurt or not. May be you have tried it already.I am the one normally would break up so I think I can understand her point of view a bit. Maybe she grew up and found that she need no one to be happy. Maybe she found it troublesome to maintain the relationship. Maybe she found her life is important than you. Whatever the cause I generally find people don't like to be the center of others' universe(Except if they are in love or if its mutual) , and would distance themselves from them(Myself included).
0
ok.. dunno if im d right person cos i hv a messed up lovelife myself.. but first how long has it been since u broke up? second i kinda agree partly with @Nick above. i really understand wat u r feeling about not checking tumblr etc.. hv bn thru it.. but i think first u shud chk if she replied. U say u r ok with either way her accepting or rejecting but then u r hopeful that she accepts & reconciles.. its like tossing a coin and hoping for heads.. realising thats wat ur heart wants. So u need to really sort out whether u want to b with her or not. Secondly say u guys do reconcile.. do u think it'll b back to wat it was? Its difficult.. cos i hv found that the time and distance and a breakup can nvr get a relationship back to its original charm.. there are exceptions of course. Say if u just wanna be friends with her.. then my dear u hv to b in a very strong position where if its not how u expect it to be u shudnt be affected or let it affect ur other relationships. I think u can write her an email about all ur feelings or cut her off.. not giving her any power to hurt u.. its easier said than done but try it. and ur present girlfriend is quite in love with u.. so u'll hv to clear ur stand with her before moving on or moving back. Im sorry i dunno if that made any sense.. but i tried.
-1
I think you should check your tumblr because you still have feelings for her and see if she messaged you back. If she hasn't then you need to accept the fact that she has moved on and maybe she's happier now. If you truly loved her then you would want what's best for her. I believe in the saying. If you love someone set them free and if they come back it's meant to be. As for your other girlfriend I feel like you are just leading her on. I'm sorry but she deserves to know that you still have feelings for your ex and I think you shouldn't commit yourself to anyone until you are fully over her because that is just hurting yourself and the other person.