Genderfluid or Androgyne?


Ok so ever since I was little I loved to dress like a boy, hell i even identified as one to anyone who would listen, but then I grew up and it started getting quite apparent that I was not a boy. It was cute to want to be a boy when I was little but as I grew older I started getting questioned, what I hated the most was being stopped in the girls restroom on why I was in there and then I’d have to explain I was a girl which I always hated doing. So I started conforming to what I thought I had to look like, hell I even prayed for big boobs so I would be a normal, attractive girl, which I got :/, and I was looked on as a very tomboyish girl, and as I got older still I started to like it in ways I liked the fact that people didn’t stop me in the restroom, I liked that people smiled at me when they saw me and hell I even liked some of the clothes (not a lot of the clothes, pretty “boyish” ones i guess, but I liked them) and I started seeing myself as a girl and I didn’t question it because I was never told that I could be anything else really. Then I found out what transgender was but as I was being told about it I was also told it was wrong so I pushed the thought away, cause I was happy as a girl, but it nagged on me cause honestly the thought of being a guy sounded amazing to me. Then a couple years ago or so I accepted that I liked chicks (I had always felt like I was attracted to them, but was also told that was wrong my entire life so I tried to push those feeling away too because honestly I still liked guys) and so I came out as bi but then learned what the term pansexual was and realized thats what I really was so I came out as that, but as I learned what pan was I also came along the term gender fluid and realized I very much fit into that description because I honestly don’t completely fit into my assigned at birth sex, I feel as tho some days I’m a girl, then others I’m a boy, and others I’m both, but most days I’m none so I also like the term androgyne, but I really don’t know, there’s also the issue with pronouns, I don’t know what to use, I kinda just want one pair, but I don’t want it to be girl pronouns because then I don’t know who’s using them to respect me or just to because they know that’s my birth assigned sex, I’m not a fan of the they ones just because I don’t feel I fit into them (don’t get me wrong if someones a they I will call them by they pronouns, I just don’t think I am). I’ve kinda told my friends about it but they seemed confused, accepting, but confused, I want to be able to tell them what I clearly am but I don’t even know, I love hiding my boobs and dressing in very what would be called “masculine” clothes but I also like dressing in “feminine” clothes, then sometimes I want a combination, I realize my clothes don’t make me a specific gender but it helps other people see me as the gender I want them to see me as and I like that. I’m so confused. There’s also the problem with my parents, they are very excepting people and said they didn’t care what my sexuality was but when I told them I was pan they had a hard time excepting it was even a thing, I don’t know how I’m going to explain to them what’s going on with me now, that is if I ever decide I want to tell them. I’m sorry this was so long and if someone actually read all through thank you so much, if you have any advice I would really love it!

Category: Tags: asked January 8, 2015

1 Answer

I have basically the same thing going on, I just identify as being genderfluid but on some days androgynous when I want to look like a boy. It doesn't have to be either or, I know it's confusing but when you fully accept yourself as just being you it'll be easier to explain to people. I accidentally broke the news to my dad on Christmas I was upset I was born a girl, and for some reason he was okay with that. You'll find that people already know without you having to explain, so if you can surround yourself with those people, you'll be happy.