Gender Issues


So, I have been dealing with gender issues since I was about 12. I’m getting sick of it.
I don’t expect anyone to like magically fix this, I just need a bit of insight.

Like I had never really seen myself as any gender and thought if there was another sex I’d prefer to be that sex.
When I was 12, issues started.
I wanted to get all my hair cut off to look like a boy but my grandma would not let me so I just got it cut as short as possible. Anytime somebody told me I looked like a boy I’d get really happy and prideful.
When I was 13 I started binding and would do anything to bind and used bad things to do so (duct tape is a NO NO for a reason). I asked for a binder but my mom could not afford one and my grandmother apposed the idea. I would use anything I could.
I thought that I was ftm for a few months when I started exploring gender and stuff and ended up cutting ALL of my hair off. I started telling people I was male and using a male name, but I’d always end up getting uncomfortable.
I discovered non-binary genders from a forum and came to the conclusion I was probably bigender. I at first kept trying to force myself to be either male or female but I always get so uncomfortable doing either. And gender neutral stuff isn’t what I want for myself.
For a long time when I was 14 I presented as male, but then I became uncomfortable again.
When I was 14 I kept trying to get a hold of testosterone in any possible way. Of course, I never could actually get any haha.
But it had been like this for a while.
I will be comfortable and then BAM! dysphoria.
Like when I think of the future and what-not I see myself as male or indifferent (as in it doesn’t matter, even if I was female) and it’s just all really confusing and just adds onto my problems..

Category: Tags: asked April 3, 2014

1 Answer

What I find is a major issue in society is that a person feels they must be identified as either one side of the spectrum or the other more often than not. And of course, the pressures that come with 'a girl has to be this way and a boy has to be this way'. In my honest opinion, the entire thing is a load of garbage that does nothing but cause confusion, stress, depression, and a yearning for an answer that doesn't exist.

If it were up to me, I would have it so that people wouldn't feel as if they had to identify with any sort of gender, and be free to make whatever choices resonates with them. A boy who wants ribbons and a dress? Go for it. A girl who wants short hair and rolls with the jocks? Feel free. Free to love, dress, and be whatever and whoever makes you comfortable. Expressing both masculine and feminine traits should be considered perfectly normal, because it is. You don't have to remain bound to a single gender. We are a very fluid race of creatures, and whether you believe it or not, we're not the only species of life that experiences these mixed gender 'issues'.

Many families, especially the elders, are very uncomfortable with such fluidity because it was so heavily supressed during their time. It's the result of a very closed-minded society's prejudice to things they didn't understand. But it's not their fault. Fear does some silly things to people.

I would advise you to not try and force yourself into being either one side of the gender spectrum or the other. Simply do what makes you comfortable. Be a boy for a bit until it becomes uncomfortable, then switch back to being a girl when it feels comfortable. Just go with what you feel in your heart and in your gut.

There is a complex in the mind that tends to want to imitate that which it finds attractive, and this can cause some gender issues as well. When this happens, we feel as if we should become what it is we appreciate so much, because we appreciate it so much. But when we do become it, we feel that it doesn't resonate with our bodily designs, and this is where the confusion comes in. Some people who have shifted into another gender simply live with these discomforts and brush them aside, while others such as yourself question them and seek answers.

No matter what you do, know that the right choice will always feel right to you on the inside. The outside doesn't matter, because it's just a reflection of who you are inside. Many people focus too much on their exterior image while dismissing their inner image. Just feel, and adjust accordingly. There is no obligation to keep, and there is no expectation to fill. Just be yourself, and don't fight against yourself. You don't have to be one thing or another, you can be both or you can be neither. Just listen to your inner self, that person is telling you what the answer you are looking for is. You just have to tune in, and be patient. Many things don't come to us overnight. Take your time to figure it out, and find where the lines are between discomfort and comfort. There is no rush.