Hello Christopher, and welcome to BlahTherapy.
You're a young man, and pubescence is a very trying time on young minds. The changes going into physical maturity take their toll on everyone in different ways, so it is understandable that you find yourself feeling more confrontational and feeling more strongly about thing in general as your capacity for feeling is literally increasing.
As our faculties grow to maturity, our pursuit of understanding must grow with it. Your language is filled with a lot of "this person said", and very strong reactions to those words. It is important to remember that words only have the power that we give them. A person saying things about us, even negative things, have no inherent force on their own. It is our reactions to the things people say to us or about us that give their words merit, or that take the merit from their claims.
That being said, we do get upset when we find out that people are speaking badly of us. Humans are naturally social creatures, and we want to be liked, and as such, getting defensive when we hear others or hear of others saying unpleasant things about us can happen in spite of our better judgment, but you will find that, as you grow and develop, that your ability to exercise better judgment becomes greater as well! As humans, we are not slaves to our emotions, we control our reactions and responses to the things we experience in life.
In social circles like school, learning to avoid confrontation can be quite the task, as children your age are often easily upset, and calming down does not come as easily. Since you are having trouble with the things other people say, focus on yourself and your reaction to the things you hear. Develop your ability to let go of the need to respond confrontationally to hearing negative things about yourself.
One method of such detachment is teaching yourself breathing techniques to bring yourself back to a calm state. This form of meditative breathing is very useful for soothing the mind and bringing the heart-rate down. A simple 5-5-5 breathing technique to start with is just fine and is as follows:
Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose for five seconds, filling your lungs completely. Hold your breath for five more seconds, focus on the stress feeling in the center of your chest. Exhale through your mouth for five seconds, empty your lungs. Repeat this exercise and the natural tightening feeling in your chest that comes with stress will relax. Repeating this exercise often will help you control your breathing, control your stress and help you manage your emotions.
If you'd like to discuss this further, my inbox is always open at blahtherapy.com/members/blackholehead
