so I have two little brothers age 13 and they race sprint cars they have been racing since they were 5 years old so they have the same experience came year car same brand car but one little thing the of the twins is racing what’s called a nonwing car and the other is racing a 5/8th restrictor the reason for this QnA is because the one racing the nonwing car is the “star child” and he gets everything like they both have the same motor builder and exactly the same motor but my parents paid about $4500 extra on the “star child ” motor to amp it up make it faster make it better, other then that they have to have fire proof suits to race in and they are the same exact size but the “star child” got a brand new suit and my other brother got nothing. not even a new helmet (and by law they have to be replaced every year) and during the race nights my grandparents on my moms side and dads side as well as my great grandparents on my ads side are there and when my brothers are racing the cheer on my brother but then the “star child” begins his race they stand up yell scream jump up and own and are like YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH GO WOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! and what not okay but what ever I have talked to my parents and my grandparents about how mad it makes me that they only cheer on one of the twins and they did nothing about it so one of the races I recorded how they are and i sent it to my cousins who live to far to come and watch the races and i asked if they see the favoritism and they said yes and they i showed my parents and grandparents and they said yes they see how they are more excited for one but that’s because he’s more in to racing and he’s not he’s just more competitive.. but i forgot to erase the videos and the “”star child” saw them and since then he’s like “im better then you they like me more and blah blah blah just being a freakin punk so i took my other brothers side because its really upsetting him and ive seen him cry over the way the “star child” treats him so i just started being really nice to the other brother and if i hear the “star child” say something rude ill say something back like “you know calling people names and being a punk will not get you anywhere in life” and what not but the “star child” has been telling my parents that ive been being rude and mean and just playing a little upset act and then when i get yelled at he just hides his freaking smirk and walks away any ways SORRY THIS QnA is SO LONG but do you think its wrong that im taking my brothers side and trying to get him to ignore the “star child” and why don’t parents see that their “star child” a punk brat and that its really stressing me out and really really really upsetting the other child….

Category: Tags: asked August 16, 2014

1 Answer

Hello, Megan I'm sorry your family is having such difficulty. I do not think that it is bad or wrong of you to take up for your less-favored brother. Favoritism within the family can be very damaging - to all concerned, too, not just the person(s) 'left out'. I hope that you will try to understand and remember that your 'star-child' brother's personality and behavior is being shaped by this lopsided display of affection and approval by the adults of the family. add to that the age of your brothers, an age which is, all by itself, difficult for almost everybody, and the situation becomes even more complicated - for everyone, including the 'star child'. I know that it feels harsh to be penalized for things that you did not do, or for things that you felt you had to do, especially if your position is one you take out of love and protectiveness, and I hope that you will be able to bear up under that load and not let it change you. As for your parents and the others in your family who are favoring one brother over the other, perhaps it would help them to see your point, and to see the damage their behavior is causing both of your brothers, you, and the family as a whole, if the message were to come not only from you, but from some 'trusted authority'. I suggest that you do a little research online and when you find the appropriate material, print (or bookmark so that you can pull it up again later) it and show it to your parents and whoever else is engaged in the favoritism. "Mom & Dad, I read this article on the NIMH (national institute of mental health) website (or in 'Parenting' magazine, whatever - you get the point), and it talks about some things that are going on right here in our family. Please read it so that we can talk about it and try to make things better for all of us" might command more attention from the adults than just you voicing (especially if you raise your voice) your disapproval. I think that you should continue to be supportive of your brother, taking care to do it in a way that does not emphasize the inattentiveness of other family members, and try to encourage his twin to be less abrasive...something along the lines of "Y'know, when you strike out at or neglect someone in your own family, you're hurting the whole family - including yourself" might produce better results than suggesting that he is a punk. I hope that you find this helpful, dear. I think that your family is lucky to have someone who cares enough to try to help when they see a problem, and who reaches out for help when the problem is more than they can handle on their own. It's so easy to just sit back and let it happen, and far too many people do just that. Take care, and feel free to buzz me if you'd like to discuss this further, or if there's something else you'd like to talk about. :) Lise

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