A month ago I was raped by someone I knew and never told. I thought it wasn’t a big deal and that I could just get over it but it’s really been effecting me. It’s hard to even type the word rape. There’s a lot of reasons why I didn’t come forward when it first happened despite the usual embarrassment and shame. A part of me feels sorry for him and wants to protect him. I have nightmares about it and it’s been the cause of the loss in my self worth. I’m just conflicted. I don’t know if it’s even worth it to come forward because I have no proof of it and I don’t want to ruin his life but I don’t think I can live like this anymore. What do you think I should do?
You went through a traumatic experience. I cannot tell you what to do about your situation. But I highly suggest you seek some help. If you're not willing to go to a hospital, there are anonymous hotlines that you can call for help or if you need someone to talk to about it. I would however recommend a hospital to check for any injuries or possible STD or STI transfers. So please before you decide to do anything, get some help for yourself. There are also support groups you can turn to. You might also consider taking some self defense classes. Normally I would be the voice that says report him, but you need to do what is best for you. I won't tell you to report him because that's a call you need to make. Somethings to think about, however, would be: what happens if you see him again? What if you're not his first victim? Take your time to think about this. You do not have to act immediately. To be completely honest with you as much as I want to tell you to report him, because so much time has passed I don't know that the authorities would be able to do much to help you, especially without evidence. While I would like to have the utmost respect for our law enforcement officers, they are not always apt to handling rape cases. If you do report this you can request to talk to a female officer. That would probably be your best bet if you do report it.
Hello, Miss Lex. You did the right thing in reaching out.
It is so terribly often a thing that rape victims do not turn in their attacker in time to preserve evidence, though it is understandable why. The fact that you opened up about your attack is a great step toward recovery.
Do not feel sorry toward your attacker. He knew precisely what he was doing and deserves no empathy. The most you can do is stay away from him.
There is a group called Project Unbreakable that would love to have you as a member. Project Unbreakable is a group of sexual assault victims who have chosen to break the cycle of hiding their abuse, choosing instead to stand up as examples for other victims to join them and show that they will not be broken and forced into silence, those people chose to take control of their lives back and overcome their trauma.
Their website is: https://m.facebook.com/projectunbreakable?id=312499772102278&refsrc=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F&_rdr
You should be very proud of yourself for refusing to stay silent about your attack. Never let anyone or anything stifle your will to live happily. Most importantly, never forget that you matter, and you are not alone.
I second that you should get medically examined. Your health is so important! Even if you're not ready to come forward and say that it was consensual, at least get tested. It sounds like you may have PTSD if it keeps you up at night with nightmares. I read your other post on cutting yourself which I conclude has a correlation to you keeping this secret. I know you are feeling all sorts of things but if I was in your shoes I'd come forward. You have to think about you personally. You are important and you deserve to feel safe and happy. What he did was wrong and he knows it. Don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help and come forward. What happened to you is serious and it deserves to be resolved.
Hun, listen I know what you're going through. I've been raped and molested and I know exactly how it feels. But you HAVE to say something. He did it to himself. If he didn't want his life to be ruined, he should have listened to no! By reporting this, think about the women you could save from him! You have to do this for yourself, and other women out there! Trust me, it will help your recovery! Good luck, hun! Message me if you need to talk<3
You've been through a traumatic experience, you've done the right thing opening up, you're brave for doing so! This must have taken a lot of courage. Do not feel sorry for him, rape is never okay and he knew what he was doing. As others have said, go to the hospital to check for any injuries or STDs/STI's. I've never been in a situation like this so I don't know if the police could do anything at this point, I'm sure there are many support groups for people who have been through sexual assault, also therapy can be a good thing for you. Just remember, you have nothing to feel ashamed of, you never asked for this. You're a strong person and you will get through this in time, the fact you spoke about it shows how strong you are. x
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