Hello, sorry if I’m doing this the wrong way…this is my first time posting a question on this site. I just wanted to kind of see if it was normal, what I’m doing. Long story short, I’ve been having family problems the past three years and my grandfather recently passed away. I’ve been having episodes of depression on and off again during this time frame, but refuse to talk about it. The only reason I’m doing it now is because this is pretty much an anon site all around. I haven’t told anyone of my problems at all and basically shut people out if they ask if I’m okay or if I need to talk/need help because I don’t really want to seem weak in from of them because I absolutely hate people looking at me with pity or feeling sorry for me. Could someone tell me if this is normal? And if there’s a possible way to help any of that? Sorry for such a strange question.
One of the hardest lessons that we have to learn is to shut the judgment of others out. Pity is a sort of judgment, a play at compassion where someone is instead thinking "oh, so glad it's not me" (in a way). When we grieve, though, we need compassion. Think of it like fresh air. The air in a room gets stale after so long and sometimes we just need to open up a window and let it in. We might not realize that we need it, but when we get it, it's like we're new people. Compassion is what you need - not pity. I hope you can find someone to talk to who is willing to be that for you.
Opening up after a loss is tremendously hard and takes a great deal of bravery. The natural fear is that you'll open up only to experience that loss again (which judgment can make you feel, since you're being disconnected with). I would advise, definitely, reaching out on sites like this and reading other people's stories. If you like to read, find a book that deals with grief. You'll see that you're not alone in your feelings and that helps a great deal.
I do the same things more or less. I lie. "I'm alright." I don't want to go through the hassle of telling truths, because often I don't think they appreciate the truths. I don't know if it's normal, but I do it as well. I don't know if that answers your question, sorry.
I do this as well. I personally prefer to mourn alone. I don't see it being absolutely nessissary to talk or share. Everyone has their own way of dealing with loss. You should take care of yourself in this time. And, yes, you will be sad from time to time, but that's more then ok. It will get easier as time goes on. Mourning a death is never a sign of weakness. If you feel you want to talk about it, then do so. If not, alone time is perfectly ok.
I wish you the best.