I suffer from BPD as well, and it seems hopeless. But it's not. Have you heard of a therapy called DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy)? Try DBTselfhelp.com to learn some skills. Try to change the way you perceive events in your mind. Stop saying things like "always and never" and "have to" "should/shouldn't." Instead say, a lot of the time, or rarely, "it would be good of me to do this" instead of "i have/should to do this." "I'd prefer I/you didn't do that" instead of "I/you shouldn't do that. The most important thing to me in the beginning of recovery that I learned is that NO EMOTION LASTS FOREVER. Especially with BPD. They come and go very quickly and in the moment they feel like they'll never end.. but they do! Even happiness ends. Prepare yourself for this. Find ways to let out anger that aren't self destructive (write, art, read, photography, exercise, smash cheap plates, punching bag, yell [if in solitude]). Delay any negative reaction as long as you can, and if you DO act in a harmful or destructive manner, don't beat yourself up. Recovery is a long, long road with steps forward and back, but you are always learning. Read some books about BPD. I suggest "Sometimes I Act Crazy" as it will give you a lot of insight into why you feel/do some of the things you feel and do, and tips and ways to stop maladaptive behaviors. Message me if you need more help. <3