Here you are again, working your deceitful way into my dreams.
Pushing me, forcing me, making me feel trapped.
You dirty rascal.
–
I had met him when I was 7 as he is my neighbors son. The cute, older boy I crushed on as a child.
I hadn’t seen him for years after… he just disappeared. Until I went to a ‘friends’ place for a party. I didn’t recognize him, he was just the sexy older guy who’s arm is around me, teaching me how to play black ops.
The night progressed, we ended up kissing a few times after him chasing me around with ice cubes, shoving them down my shirt.. blah blah.
The guy sitting behind us had mentioned something to me ” do you have any idea how old he is ”
So I asked, his answer was ” I’m 22, how about you “
Oh… Okay well I’m 14. Of course, I think I’m doing something so very rebellious and awesome being with a ‘man’…
Still not knowing who he is (from memory) we had walked to the tim hortons around the corner from my place from my ‘friends’ apartment, he bought me an iced cappuccino. My moms friend was also there and had told my mother about me being with our neighbors 22 year old son.
anyway, lots of inbetween, we’ve had sex, he convinced me to not use condoms, convinced me to let him cum inside of me (I had not gotten pregnant with him, thankfully)
He had moved in with me. He was using me, I didn’t notice. He was very convincing. He was sexting with other girls and that’s where the ‘relationship’ ended but he had still lived with me we still slept in the same room, different beds, no sex.
I went on vacation with my family for a month, I came back tired with no sleep for the past 24 hours and wanted to sleep. He was in my bed so I told him to move, he refused so i just crawled in bed anyway.
I had asked him to help me clean up when I was to wake up because I had a friend coming over the next day and the room was disgusting. He got upset (my friend was a guy, my age) and told me he wouldn’t and starting rubbing his hands up and down my body. I told him to stop and that I wasn’t interested he refused, he put his hand down my pants, I told him “FUCK OFF, DO YOU NOT REALIZE WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME” he wouldn’t move, I got ” come on baby, I’m sorry. I love you” Long story short, he’s too strong for me and no matter what I do or say he wasn’t going to stop. I laid there crying as he had sex with me.
After that day he moved into his own place.
I`m now 17 and I still have dreams of him.
It took me 2 years before I could let anyone touch me or even think of me in some sort of sexual way. I didn’t have any interest in sex or dating.
I met my boyfriend online about a year and a half ago. We met almost a year ago now & I’m going to be having a baby with him as of December.
I love my boyfriend with absolutely everything I have, I trust him. He loves me and treats me great.. even more than great. He’s an amazing person and I know he would never hurt me. He makes me very happy and I can not wait for our little family to be complete. I can’t wait for our son to be here with us.
If my boyfriend rubs my neck I get shivers and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I know he wouldn’t harm me. I just want these dreams and feelings to stop!
Sometimes I just want to talk to him… I want to see him again, just so he can understand how wrong he is. I want him to feel how he makes me feel to this very day. I want to make him cry. He’s a sick man who took advantage of a little girl. I feel like he’s ruined my life forever…
