I have never been that great at typing out my feelings because I never had anyone to vent to before. When i was a sophomore in high school I met a man 2 years older than me and I vented to him about my family and how they treated me. This isn’t about my family; however. I have been dating that same man since then. I finally moved in with him in November and we are happy. We were long distance up until that point and we definitely had our ups and downs. I did cheat on him, but it was a moment of weakness and I don’t let it define me. I am not a cheater and I never will be. We have long moved past that and we went strong, but there were times when I question him going to his “girl friends” house to spend the weekend with them, but I knew he couldn’t do those things with me because of my parents how they are about him and how they treat me. He would call his friends sweetie pie, love, sweetie and would talk to them almost constantly.. He would always comment on girls pictures and tell them how amazingly gorgeous they are. They would down themselves and get their butts kissed, but when I would down myself I would get yelled at. He stopped calling me those cute names almost completely, which I figured it was because I cheated so I shrugged it off each time it popped in my head. Each time I brought this to his attention how it made me feel he would automatically jump on me and say I’m accusing him of cheating on me. I am a jealous person, so every once in a while I would overreact about it I admit. We would hang on, and I would hang out with him when I could and we would have an amazing time together. Each time would make it worth it to hold on. I know I love him. I know he loves me. I finally moved in with him in November and we are happy. He reads my messages and I read his. I was cleaning our room and I found a notebook and I regret reading it because it was two pages of him drunk venting. I know it was wrong to read and I can not vouch for my curiosity. Before this point, I had thought he had loved me and only thought about me like that. I had that fairy tale in my head and it was how I held on for almost 3 years. I desperately held on that hope and trusted him. Back to the present, I read it and it started out talking about he felt trapped and used by his brother as a babysitter/rent. I moved on to the second paragraph…. He started talking about how he likes one of his friends, but knows how she is and knows he would get hurt by her. The girl that he likes/liked I knew even before he did. The guy I dated before my current boyfriend was using me for sex, and so I broke up with him. The girl proceeded to message me calling me a b**** and telling me how could I break up with him. I explained to her why, and she apologized. We sort of became friends, but I could tell she was two-faced from the beginning. Sure enough, she had been talking s*** to everyone about me and she had been sending pictures to my ex while I was with him. That’s just the high school drama and so it didn’t bother me, but a few months after I began dating my current boyfriend she “magically” became best friends with him. That’s when I got the sense of deja vu. He has told me it will never happen and each time I would trust him. I moved in with him and went against my parents for him because of years of abuse and he is literally all I have. Back to the present again, I continued reading the note and the bottom paragraph and he said that “But in reality I love (me) and I always will. He began talking about the time we first met in person..” It made me feel great and all, and I know he loves me. I confronted him about the note and he gave me this “I was drunk and I was writing it to see if when I sober it makes sense to me” response. At the time he wrote the note, it was August and I moved in with him in November. I had hung out and had an amazing time with him in August.. Like I said I was in this fairy tale thing where I believed he only loved me and liked no one else because that’s what he would ALWAYS tell me. I’m getting emotional thinking about how naive I was. I am still living with him and I’m happy with him.. I keep holding on to everything. The response about if it would make sense to him when he was sober doesn’t make sense to me.. and I keep trying with everything to trust that he never loved or liked her, but it just doesn’t sound true.. I need someone else’s opinion on this part… Does his response seem viable to anyone else? Am I just overreacting?
~Notes:
She is one of the girls that he would have pet names for and it looked like he was openly flirting with them.
He had her name as his cuddle buddy(which he says is an inside joke) before, but changed it when I asked him about it.
She is 16 and he’s 21, but her mom has openly stated that he would let her date him because he’s just that amazing of a guy.
Please don’t give me crap about cheating. My boyfriend and I have BOTH moved on. I am not a cheater and I will never be one. I have been called a harlot already today for trying to vent and it’s just wasted words at this point.
