Does anyone else feel this way?

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Does anyone else feel like connecting with people is pointless? I don’t mean ALL people, but just people who you don’t necessarily have a lot in common with. I’m very introverted and so I generally don’t like to talk to people unless it’s really necessary. To me, small talk is just pointless conversation that gives people a chance to talk about themselves. I also think it’s not necessary to be friends with people just because you work in the same building. I’m friendly, but I’m not going to offer to house sit when you go out of town, or invite you over for dinner, or find out what movies you like, or meet you for happy hour.

I’ve been a part of several groups where I wind up on the outskirts, eating lunch alone, never being invited anywhere, last person to hear about something if I even get told at all. It doesn’t bother me, until it starts to involve my work. If I miss out on an opportunity because someone “forgot” to include me in an email that is not fair. I feel like because I am introverted people don’t make an effort to include me in things that shouldn’t have any bearing on my personality. Currently at the lab where I work I’m almost completely excluded from everything. And this is because I don’t have time, or want to participate in social activities outside the lab? Or participate in socializing when I’m at the lab where I’m usually working on projects? What the fuck?! I know I need to address this, which I’m working on, but does anyone else deal with this? I know I’m not extremely personable, but I’m polite and friendly when I interact with people. Do I really need to have regular conversations about all the menial details of their life to get any respect or consideration professionally??

Category: Tags: asked October 31, 2013
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V
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6 Answers

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Yes, I absolutely feel you on this. I feel like I go through seasons of life in which I'm more or less introverted/extroverted depending on the quality of my overall attitude, but I'm definitely in a season right now which is very introverted. It sometimes feels like people are just self-seeking most often within their interactions. But I don't believe anyone is completely introverted or completely extroverted. Unfortunately, yeah, society does often require you to participate in socializing norms and not just be friendly in order to be included as part of inner circles. So embrace your inner extrovert, it's there somewhere, and you can grow it the more you practice socializing... My best tip for making that easier is to just be optimistic with your thoughts of people. Give them the benefit of the doubt. A lot of times people really do want to actually get to know you and potentially even form caring relationships with you; keep that in mind while going through the painful small talk. It's probably just as boring to that other person, but you have to start somewhere, right? Think of your first interactions as the beginning of the beautiful thing that is seizing the opportunity to get to know unique, interesting individuals like yourself. It might come easier than you think if you maintain that good attitude throughout an event, and you might just go home feeling fulfilled in a new way.
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yeah even i feel the same way .this is so my story.i feel people underestimate my potential just because i am an introvert.i think people don't take me into consideration,they ignore me and rate me boring and they are never interested in talking to me or even ask my opinion on things that i believe i am very good at.just because i don't talk unnecessarily does not mean that i am weaker than them in any way.anyhow,even i don't have any solution to this ...but i feel at my best when i am with people who involve me in their discussions and give importance to my opinions which makes me confident enough to keep my perspective in front of them but when it comes to people who show themselves superior ,it's not possible for me to talk to people that are proud with lots of attitude. i feel uncomfortable with them so i only say things that are necessary to be said .i am an introvert but if people can make me get involved somehow. i believe i can come out of my shell and express myself more easily....
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This is the gospel truth. If you're compatible, friendship will come naturally. If you aren't, it won't.
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I feel the same way. But also not sure what to do.
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Well, I think that you should keep the small talk and conversations going because it's important that you be able to socialize with people so you don't become depressed and just cut away from all life activity but at the same time, since your introverted, keep it to the minimum as to not seem too unfriendly but not too into it either. I think it's perfectly normal to be introverted because people are different but please don't just tear yourself away from society. Remember be nice but keep things to a minimum that isn't suspicious. Good luck hun :)
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OH I have completely gone through this before. I actually like how well you described it because that's exactly how I felt. lol I do hate how some people love to talk about themselves and act like they are some kind of god. But the way I got over this was trying not to judge people right off the bat and just talking to people about movies or tv shows... Just general relatable conversation. Then I could judge if I liked them enough to try or not. I also struggled with the 'not even feeling like trying' part too but I realized that its ok to put yourself out there every once in a while and I have made a lot more friends then I had before just by opening up more and trying to create conversation every once in a while.