Do I just need to keep my mouth shut?

I have had a problem with my older sister these past few months. She and her husband moved back into my mother’s house about six months ago because they are trying to save money before they leave to medical school.
These six months have been horrible.
At first, it wasn’t bad with them living downstairs but now my sister is getting on my nerves. They moved in when she was about seven months pregnant and she was very, very easily pissed off (ex: she locked me out of the house mid-blizzard{I live in Alaska} because I cut the roast wrong that Sunday. I had to break in through my window, ruining my window lock in the process) but she always told me and my two other siblings that we were being too sensitive when we told her she needed to calm down. I expected her to be easily provoked so I didn’t think anything of it. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago when she really got on my nerves.
My parents got a divorce because my father was very irresponsible when it came to money and family. I can’t even remember one birthday of mine when he was present. He has been trying to make up for lost time ever since the divorce and has apologized to my siblings and I for not being there when we were younger. I knew my father still had some habits he needed beat out of him but I could tell he was truthful. My sister, though, was a whole other story.
She would call him names I won’t repeat here and then, when he would call, act like nothing had ever happened. One day, out of the blue, she asked my other sister and I, “You guys know I hate Dad, right?” My other sister looked at me with the most confused look on her face. I’m sure I looked the same.
My sister(the one I’m having problems with) continued to say “If you knew what I knew, you’d want to murder that man. He is such a horrible person and I hope he burns because I’ll provide a match.”
I sure as heck didn’t want to hear that. Sure, my mom probably told her things she didn’t tell us (because we are younger than the sister I’m having problems with) but she was trying to ruin my relationship with my father. But, when my sister needs something from my father, she acts as if she hadn’t just called him a selfish bastard.
Not only has she done this with my father, but she has done it to my brother-in-law and my sister’s boyfriend. My sister used to(and still does) have a huge problem with my brother-in-law before my other sister and him got married. She would always say “He’s going to beat the shit out of her if they get married!”. Then, if my sister ever needed something from my brother-in-law, she would get all nice and cozy with him. It would infuriate me.
Luckily, my sister and her husband are moving in July but I don’t know what to do ’till then. My other siblings are a bust and my parents are still fighting and they don’t need anything else to worry about.
The most ironic part about this is that my sister is a therapist.
Do I just keep my mouth shut or tell her what I think? I love my sister and I don’t want to ruin our relationship but I feel like I’m going to punch a hole into a wall.
Sorry for the long message.

Category: Family asked May 20, 2014

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Louie

5 Answers

Tell her in the nicest way possible, since she is pregnant. Tell her to back off a little and calm down. She needs to hear those words it sounds like. Also, tell her that you do not want to hear any of that stuff about your father. You need respect and so does she.

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joha951

If I were you, I would tell her what I think after she has had the baby. Like you said she is very emotional because she is pregnant. The level of stress she is under for medical school and pregnancy is enormous. However, that does not excuse her behavior. Her trying to ruin your relationship with your father is not okay, only you both know the relationship so only you two can work it out and you can form your own opinion

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LadyRoseK

Pregnancy can cause you to be different,but to a point.
I also dont like people useing it as an excuse,so I feel you should tell her now how you feel and from your end what it is like.
Just sit her down and calmly let her know what you are thinking and what it is you have had to put up with.Make sure you let her know you do love her too. If she is any good at her job she will understand,pregnant or not!.
Good luck and meanwhile try as much as you can to also have some time out for you ,as that is very important when living with a stressful family,either do something more often with friends or doing something you like even if it means putting in earplugs and listening to music while in your room,just to not have you so stressed out.

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Anonymous

630

Don't let your sister disrespect you, but at the same time, try to avoid her as much as possible. If you don't need to be home, go out and do whatever you can away from home. You only have a little more than a month to go before peace returns to your home. Right now may not be the best time to try to talk to her because of how emotional she is, so let it go for now. After she moves out, after she gives birth, after things are much calmer in life, then you may want to have a heart-to-heart talk with your sister about everything, esp. your father. She may have indeed gone through experiences with him that you just don't know about.Luckily, my sister and her husband are moving in July but I don’t know what to do ’till then. My other siblings are a bust and my parents are still fighting and they don’t need anything else to worry about. The most ironic part about this is that my sister is a therapist. Do I just keep my mouth shut or tell her what I think? I love my sister and I don’t want to ruin our relationship but I feel like I’m going to punch a hole into a wall. Sorry for the long message.

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Akasha

104

i would just avoid her until she has her baby she's probably just going to blow up at you wait till she has the baby and her emotions and hormones are in check then when she pulls something like that again (talking shit about you dad or brother-in-law) tell her how you feel in a really nice way and try to be positive about your dad or brother-in-law saying something like "oh i know dad can sometimes be that way but thats how he is and i accept that but i wanna try to have a good relationship with him despite his problems..." something like that good luck!!!!!

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Cam