Just a quick intro – I’m 18, I’m female, asexual (none of these feelings I describe are sexual) and gay. I have anxiety and I am extremely empathetic.
This always happens with teachers + they’re always female. Basically if they show some sort of care, or anything sort of motherly, I become really attached. It’s conflicting because I want to interact with + talk to them, but when I have the chance, my anxiety kicks in and I can’t make eye contact, I go red, sometimes I even have a panic attack. My year 9 teacher took me aside and asked if I was okay and I had a panic attack just from that, I couldn’t reply or look at her. In year 12 I had another teacher who was a mother, and she would call us things like “sweetie” “darling” all those pet names, and like put her hands on our upper back/shoulders, you know how some women do that? I got really attached to her too, and even went to the lengths of facing my anxiety + asking questions I knew the answers to just to get her to talk to me. Again, I wasn’t attracted to her. Now I am at uni + one of my tutors here is really friendly again – she calls us pet names + is quite touchy-feely too. I’ve only known her for 4 weeks, and I know it’s already starting again.
Growing up, I think I had a normal childhood. Although my sister has ADHD and Bipolar and mum + dad always payed a lot of attention to her. I have never wanted attention from my parents, and we aren’t all that close, but they are loving and accepting of me.
I would really appreciate some help or advice if anyone has some xx