Do I have some sort of attachment disorder?

Just a quick intro – I’m 18, I’m female, asexual (none of these feelings I describe are sexual) and gay. I have anxiety and I am extremely empathetic.

This always happens with teachers + they’re always female. Basically if they show some sort of care, or anything sort of motherly, I become really attached. It’s conflicting because I want to interact with + talk to them, but when I have the chance, my anxiety kicks in and I can’t make eye contact, I go red, sometimes I even have a panic attack. My year 9 teacher took me aside and asked if I was okay and I had a panic attack just from that, I couldn’t reply or look at her. In year 12 I had another teacher who was a mother, and she would call us things like “sweetie” “darling” all those pet names, and like put her hands on our upper back/shoulders, you know how some women do that? I got really attached to her too, and even went to the lengths of facing my anxiety + asking questions I knew the answers to just to get her to talk to me. Again, I wasn’t attracted to her. Now I am at uni + one of my tutors here is really friendly again – she calls us pet names + is quite touchy-feely too. I’ve only known her for 4 weeks, and I know it’s already starting again.

Growing up, I think I had a normal childhood. Although my sister has ADHD and Bipolar and mum + dad always payed a lot of attention to her. I have never wanted attention from my parents, and we aren’t all that close, but they are loving and accepting of me.

I would really appreciate some help or advice if anyone has some xx

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Hannah129

3 Answers

Well the attachment could be because maybe your mother didn't give you enough attention as you grew up. But it could also be because of your sexuality. Sometimes when someone is discovering that they are gay, it gives them slight anxiety when around someone of the same gender. Also, it could be because of how sweet the teachers are, seeing as female teachers are sweeter than males normally are. The only real advice I can give you and take a breather, think of the teachers as nothing more than teachers, and relax. Focus more on the students in your class. That could help.

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◆☆Oliver☆◆

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This sounds a lot like what I experienced a lot when I was younger that I now identify as crushes. I didn't know I was gay at the time, so I always felt creepy about it. I don't mean this to sound diminutive, but do you think it could just be a crush? A little bit of anxiety is normal with a crush, but it sounds like you have more than just a little bit. Is your sister older than you/did your parents have to pay more attention to her even when you were an infant? Having poor attachment relationships as an infant can definitely cause relationships or feelings for others to be very intense.

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Amanda

Thank you for the replies everyone! Oliver, thank you for suggesting about focusing on students instead, that it actually something I should try and do, as they are all very friendly.Ed, thank you for your reply. I'm sorry to hear about your childhood, you seem very nice and no one deserves sadness. The way your wife describes you collecting people is quite a special way to look at it I think :)Amanda, thank you for all the helpful advice! To answer your questions; I did think maybe it could be some sort of crush but I don't know.. for one I don't experience sexual attraction to people, and they were all like 30-40 years old. My sister is 3 years younger then me, and I don't really want to ask my parents about my childhood, but I do remember her always being the centre of attention.

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Hannah129