Did I go too far?


Well ok, so I have a roommate that I care a lot about. And she has been getting influenced by a friend of hers for the worse, in this particular situation she’s been considering picking up cigarette smoking. When I learned that, I reacted quite potently in objection, and wound up throwing out the leftover pack of smokes that her friend left behind, in what I believe was an attempt to get my roommate to think about starting. I’m still flustered and angry, but I’m worried and concerned for my roommate more than anything. I don’t want her to make such a stupid mistake.

Was I wrong to do what I did and get rid of that pack of cigarettes, regardless of whether they were mine or not? I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to control her life choices, but I just couldn’t bring myself to let her consider something so stupid and disgusting. >.<

Category: Tags: asked April 6, 2014

4 Answers

It is a fine gesture of caring and consideration for your friend's health, but you went about it the wrong way.

Ultimately, your friend's life is her own. Her decisions are hers to make. Her mistakes are also hers to make. You can talk until you are blue in the mouth, but if your friend chooses to smoke, you cannot stop her.

I love my own friends dearly, and the friends I grew up with are now starting to see and feel the effects of smoking, and whereas I do not support their habit and spent years refusing to buy cigarettes for them or loan them money for a pack, I still spend time with them, they are still my friends. Their lives are not mine to control. I have told each of them that if they want to stop smoking that I will go to any length to help them kick the habit, but to never ask me unless they were serious, then I left it at that and simply asked my friends to respect my position as a non-smoker.

Smokers all go through a phase where they get very selfish and think they should be able to smoke wherever they want. My friends and I got through that phase. You can, too. Smokers and non-smokers can coexist with just a little respect for each others' choices.
Your only looking out for a friend and she should appreciate your kindness ...it's not like they she had paid for them anyway :)
Maybe today it was ok, but be wary of raising your hand on your friend or her/her friend's possessions as a way to control her.
Thank you for your replies everyone :) I'm not trying to be controlling, I'm really not. I was just overcome with hurt, and acted irrationally :/ I usually don't do things like that.

I hope with all my heart that she chooses not to consider it, ever. I did talk to her about it and let her know that I was sorry for the way I acted and why I did act the way I did. Hopefully I didn't hurt her feelings.