Dealing with rude comments


So this guy I work with (we’ll call him Noah) has been making these rude comments about my boyfriend. My boyfriend used to work there too, so they know each other. Anyway, a few weeks ago, Noah took it upon himself to tell me that he didn’t trust my boyfriend. When I asked him why, he wouldn’t give me an answer. Now my boyfriend isn’t perfect, but he’s a wonderful guy who treats me right and had never given me any reason not to trust him. Then, throughout these past few weeks, Noah has made side comments that are insults in disguise.
This is what happened last night. I was spending the day with my boyfriend (who is not happy that Noah was been saying these things because he has no idea why he would hate him), and we decided to order some food. We ordered from my work (employee discount wooo!), and when we got there, we discovered Noah was working the front. I told my boyfriend to stay in the car because I didn’t want it to be uncomfortable, and he handed me a twenty and I went inside. As I was paying, Noah (who knows I was with my boyfriend because the order was under his name) said, “Oh, is ____ avoiding me?” I just shrugged it off and handed him the money. The rest of the conversation goes: “Is this your money?” “No.” “Well at least he’s not making you pay.” “Yeah, but he lets me pay sometimes.” “Wow really? I never let my girlfriend pay.” He acts like somehow he is better than my boyfriend, and he thinks he has the right to say these things to my face. And when he found out that I had told my boyfriend everything that he’s been saying, he got mad at me.
I’m sorry for the story, but it was the best way to get that out. Anyway, these comments are hurtful to me and my boyfriend. I’m the kind of person who will just take it and let it roll off my shoulder without saying anything, but my boyfriend thinks that I need to tell him to stop. Any advice on what I should do?

Category: asked April 9, 2015

3 Answers

It seems the way this works is that he gives you a bait comment, and you take the bait by making him talk more. You could try not engaging him in his feud with your boyfriend, giving non-anwers like "uh?", changing topic a couple of times before plainly and rightfully telling him to mind his own business. He's talking behind your boyfriends back, so rather than being his messanger, let him tell him to his face, if he has the guts. He might just have a romantic interest in you, and might be working on it by undermining your partner. Keep in mind that if he gives you a bad time when you are a costumer, you should let him know you don't like how you are being serviced. Same goes for your boyfriend, who can complain about him to management as a costumer.
You should tell him to stop. He's speaking out of turn and he has no right to insult your boyfriend in front of you. You don't appreciate the comments he makes, they're not needed, so you should tell him that. He won't stop until you make that clear. You should be completely comfortable spending time there with your boyfriend and not have to worry about Noah. It's his problem and if he wants to sort it out he can always discuss it with your boyfriend any time. This won't stop unless you make sure he knows that.
I completely agree with Silent Radiance. Just tell Noah you don't want him to make those comments in front of you. They are about your boyfriend and they are disrespectful. It sounds like your relationship with Noah is otherwise ok. If he respects you, he will respect your wish.