Could anyone shed some insight to my situation?

I have taken some of the advice I have recieved. i ended all of the relationships with the men I was regularly having sex with and now I do not know what to do.

Recently I have been trying to get to the bottom of why the relationships would all follow the same pattern. I even denied sex from one of my former partners.

These men would express interest in me and I would tell myself play hard to get and then have sex with them. So I would spend time with them privately several occasions then I would have sex. The actions that resulted were me feeling very sexually satisfied. Things would be great, but eventually I would feel betrayed because of their actions. One of the men told me he had kissed one of my friends tried to have sex with her. Then that he wanted to have sex with me and another one of my friends when I explicitly say if we are going to be in this kind of a relationship I am only going to have sex with you and you with me or you have to wear a condom.
The other man made a joke about having a threesome with one of my friends, I saw him all over another girl, that he says he did not have sex with but I honestly don’t trust him.
There was another gentleman I had a one night stand with and he never talked to me until he tried to approach me for sex again.

I get so hurt when these sexual partners behave this way. I ended the relationships with all of them and none of them have tried to contact me. Tell me I am special, tell me that I am amazing in bed, or tell me anything. I understand that it was just sex and I am ok with that but the disrespect and the not coming back hurts. i guess that is where my love and sex addiction intertwine.

What I want to ask is, is there no hope for me ever finding someone to be with me?
Are all men going to treat me disrespectfully just because I love sex and chose to do it early on in relationships?
What advice can any of you give on all of this?

I do have to say I think it stems from me being molested, raped, and introduced to sex at a very early age. I am tired of hurting and as sad as it seem I would much rather live a life where I don’t look for love and sex at all because these experiences are leading me to believe that no one is trustworthy or respectful out there.
I am a very nice girl and it really hurts me. It breaks my heart to be honest. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I am completely transparent and i wish people would be the same.

Though these men were, obviously all they wanted was sex.

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Beautifully introverted

6 Answers

I was sexually abused at a young age, I struggled to trust men as I saw them all the same; I'd have sex when I didn't really want it but couldn't say no. I ended up drinking a lot at 17 and felt my world was crashing down on me.as good as sex feels, nothing compares to having sex with someone who appreciates and loves you. I found learning to accept myself, love myself and to let some things go. The biggest step was to start trusting and not seen everyman as a sex pest.when I first met my fiance I decided to take things slow, it took a good 3-4 months till we first had sex together. If they are willing to wait it out till you are comfortable in yourself then they are worth all your love, affection.

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*Amiz*

162

Hello Miss. Thank you for sharing your concerns with us.

Finding a reliable and lasting relationship is certainly a task. Sifting through the mountains of rubble to find flecks of gold takes a long time and a lot of patience, and it always seems like it never gets any easier. Your feelings are entirely understandable.

It seems like your actions are getting in the way of your intentions. You enjoy sex, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman having a healthy sex drive, but when you are openly flirtatious and at the same time willing to go to bed so quickly, it begins to attract easily-bedded men, because those are the ones who are the most conducive to your flirty manner. You aren't sabotaging yourself, you're just surrounded by so many willing suitors that you can't see the forest for the trees, as it were.

On top of that, when you play hard to get, you have to understand that "hard to get" is a game of seduction. It is an age-old tool to entice and ensnare, and is generally a terrible tactic when trying to find a life-partner, but fantastic if you're just looking for a hot seduction and hotter consummation. You're stepping on your own toes by sending out sex signals when you're wanting to be putting out relationship signals, and there are ways of making yourself appear accessible and marriage material.

A healthy mix of conservative and fun keeps heads turning; if you like skirts, wear a longer skirt with some flirty shoes and a comfortable top, or have a more conservative hairstyle mixed with clothes that say you're out for fun. If you look like you're out for fun, are overtly flirty, play hard-to-get and can be taken relatively easy to a private corner for a kiss-and-cuddle, you're going to find a lot of men who are just looking for that K&C, and there are certainly an abundance of those.

But if you want to attract the right audience, you have to advertise the right material. In addition, you have to be more strict with what you're looking for in a mate and screen your suitors carefully to weed out the ones who are just looking for sexy-times.

Women are heavily burdened by society with appearance, and certainly go through many pains to enhance their beauty, but sometimes less is more.

If all else fails, just stalk a promising young man, chloroform him and keep him tied up in your basement until Stockholm Syndrome kicks in. :)

I hope you derive some useful perspective from my opinion. Good luck and happy man-hunting!

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Humanist Hope

16,417

Not all men are simply sex hounds. However, there is a saying that I remember hearing, and it goes something like 'you attract what you are', which means that you will typically feel like you relate better to people who are the same as you, and therefor seek friendships and relationships with them.

Now that doesn't mean that you are the same way as these men who have treated you the way you describe. What I am saying is that the common ground you shared your relationships on was the sex itself, and when you no longer offer that common ground, they no longer feel as if there is anything to relate to with you and thusly go out to seek others they can find that relation with.

That doesn't mean that what you did was a bad thing, it simply means that you are changing into a new person, and you haven't discovered the people that you will be able to relate with yet. Changing often brings the challenge of beginning anew, and keeping old relations in your life will hold you back from that. So, them not contacting you back means that they are not a good fit for your new self, and it is not a loss to be worried about. As much as it may hurt that they would simply up and stop communication with you, I would like to remind you that it is beneficial to you if they no longer bring those past temptations to you. That is all they really had to offer it seems anyways, so it's honestly not a loss worth fretting over.

There is always hope in finding someone, so don't even give up. In mid-change, it can seem hopeless, but just wait until the dust settles. Things will be much clearer then. Just allow yourself all the time you need to figure things out.

I would also like to add that there is nothing wrong with liking sex, it's a wonderful feeling and some have a higher sex drive than others, and that is perfectly normal and healthy. Whether it is because of past experiences exposing sex to you at an early age or not, you seem to have been able to handle it quite well. Eventually down the road, I do feel that you will actually use sex to be able to overcome and let go of those past experiences if you have yet to do so.

If you would like some friends who will not drop you simply because you don't offer sex, then please feel free to contact me. I'm always happy to meet new people :)

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Angel Demon

1,322

I don't think your problem, when meeting new partners, is when you decide to have sex. I guess you need to keep doing relationship inventories, and see if your past partners that were not good relationship material had some traits in common, things that you could have spotted from the beginning ("red flags"), and use what you find to screen people before getting too involved, when you will be ready to date again. It doesn't mean that someone won't still make it through and slip past your defense, but it's a start. I don't know if you are talking about your past with someone, if you do, they can help you deal with how it affects you today, in your relationships.

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rinseandrep

7,397

Its really refreshing to me how honest and open you are about this issue. I can relate to your feelings. Its human nature to want to have sex and guys are usually more vocal about that but there are girls out there who are this way too. I don't blame you for wanting a closer relationship and I truly believe that you will find someone who likes you for you! It was wise to cut all contact because now you can start fresh. Don't worry :) I know theres someone out there for you!

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KellyMichelle:)

533

hello dear... first of all i must tell you nothing happen without a reason. unfortunately in this part of world you have to look harder to find true love but you problem is not that. actually you find the answer but you just dont know how to apply it. if you dont let them took you granted youre done. and they will took you granted if you be easy or if you explored . the last word was the key. maybe on night standing relationship is exciting but it wont move you further because you named it so invaluably. meeting a partner can be valuable time of your life but if you first notice how valuable you are. im not saying stop meeting or having sex do as you wish. but give importance to your body and heart and your time. fact is if you dont choose you will be on the chosen line. and belive me if a man sees you serious he will flee on the second or he will be with you as long as you want. but dont forget never mix sex and love. love can cause sex but sex dont guarantee love. i hope you understand what i said. anyway thanks for asking. have a brilliant life...

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James