Confused

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What is love? Real life Romantic love?
I just came out of a three year relationship with my bestfriend. I could be 100% myself with him. He believed in working out our problems and never giving up. He is supportive and understanding. We make each other laugh, dry each others tears, motivate each other.
Sure we had some problems, like sometimes I thought he played too many video games, I have very different views than his family and sometimes him, sometimes I think he made me more judgemental, and I’ve lost a lot of friendships being so wrapped up in my relationships.
We’ve both made some mistakes. He keeps things from me that he thinks will hurt me. Resulting in me finding pictures of a pushy old girl friend on his phone that she sent to him. He’s tested my trust again and again, made me question myself. But we always seem to work it out.
And for no one reason, maybe a build up of little reasons over a period of time, I stopped wanting to be intimate with him, stopped being turned on by him.
I ended the relationship. I felt guilty being with him and not knowing if it was what I wanted, out of respect for him, and our relationship when it was strong, I didn’t feel like I could stay in our relationship while I was having so many doubts.
I know I need more balance in my life, he can’t be the only person I have to talk to, the only thing that makes me happy, and the only one I spend time with. I know this is a big reason for my unhappiness, I know this needs to change.
But I just don’t know if I through away a good thing? Could our intamacy issue have been fixed? With more balance could I still be happy with him, and be turned on by him?
I just don’t know if I threw away 3 and a half years with someone over a normal fixable problem?
I’ve taken a few psychology courses and I know it’s normal for relationships to plateau and that many people Mistake it for falling out of love.
How do you know if you’ve really fallen out of love, or if you’ve just hit anoth bump in the road?
I still care deeply for this man, everything reminds me of him, i still have the urge to talk to him, to tell him about my day. I still want him to be happy, and I’m terrified of my life moving on without him.
What if this is it. I’m in love and I just don’t recognize it?
I just didn’t think that I would be so young and lose the passion in our relationship.
Did I make the right decision?
I honestly couldn’t be intimate with him for the past year, and especially the past few month, I almost felt grossed out by it. But was that my issue? Or was it unfixable?
Am I making a mistake or is this the right choice?

Category: Tags: asked April 7, 2013

1 Answer

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Sex always raises more questions than it answers. While yes physical intimacy can always be a way to strengthen a relationship it also brings up a lot of issues that need to be discussed. It sounds to me like the two of you have grown apart. Rather than throwing it away breaking up you've simply quit being the same people you once were. Differences aside if you both put the time and the energy to work towards a better future together then nothing can rip that apart. As long as you're willing to work any relationship an be beneficial.