Changing myself

Really sorry if you guys didn’t understand what I say, because I don’t speak english very well..

So… I am dating with a boy (that I’m gonna call V) for more than 1 year and I love him so much.But we had some problems in the beggining, because I met a friend (that I’m gonna call M) and we wish to start a poet’s group as the movie Dead Poets Society, because I write poems and so he does.And we couldn’t tell it for anyone:it was a secret society that we were going to start.

I got the idea of invinting my boyfriend to enter on it (he writes poems too). That was my idea.But I wasn’t in the group yet. My friend M sayed that I should discover the secret in a letter that he sent me, so I could enter in the group. Then, he sent me a lot of papers with some tips. And sometimes with some poems.

And there was a time that I needed his help for writting a text from a work in my school. It was a Sarau (I don’t know how it’s written in english).And I remember that I made a mousse in a day and he asked me if I could give him a little, so I did.But my boyfriend discovered all those things.

It didn’t matter from me.I mean, the things that I did in secret, because it was just something that I was going to tell him.But he told me that I should tell him when I started doing.And that I lied to him. I cried so much and I was feeling very depressed.

I don’t know what is my problem.I felt that It didn’t have problem and that he was the wrong for saying me all those things.. But I feel that I always do stupid things in my relationships. And I am always sad with things that sometimes doesn’t really matter, but I can’t stay indifferent with these things. I don’t know if you can understand me.. It’s like if he says in a joke that I am fat but I believe on it. And so I stay unhappy with him just because of this.

My mom tell me that I am very angry, that I am stressed and that I need to by more patient and keep calm.
I tried many times to change myself, but I can’t!
Some days ago, my boyfriend told me that I think that I know everything, that I don’t care about the other’s opinion.And that’s true!

My God, I wish I could be different!
Please, somebody could tell me how can I try to change myself? It’s not because somebody told me to change, or because somebody wants that I change, BUT I WANT TO!I’m gonna lose everyone that I love!
What is happening with me?
Help me, please!

Category: Dating & Relationships asked July 2, 2014

link

BiIrwing

4 Answers

1 accepted

Wanting to change is fine and good. But first you need to realise that there is nothing wrong with you. No matter what anyone says you are the only person that truly knows who you are and nobody else can tell you what to do. That being said changing an aspect of your persona is not something that can be done quickly. Nor should it be taken lightly. So before you change anything first think "why do I want to?" if another person's name is in the reason (like he/she said...) then maybe you should rethink that particular change. The final thought i would like to leave you with is that instead of changing a particular attribute try to minimize or maximize it. Your individual qualities make you who you are so don't ever try to destroy them, it is sometimes easier to make them larger or smaller instead or creating or destroying them. for example people who struggle with anger shouldn't try to be not angry, they should try to be less angry. See the difference?

link

Levi-UR

970

Are you more irritable as a result of your relationship? Sometimes stress from outside factors cause us to lash out on others. Your boyfriend as you described sounds like he's trying to control you. That and he might have some problems with jealousy. This is not the sign of a healthy relationship. If you're doing something fun and harmless like creating a secret society, there's nothing wrong with that. I see this a lot, where girls feel they must be submissive to their boyfriends. How would he feel if you cracked jokes about him that are really mean? I'm sure he hasn't always been honest with you (you just haven't caught him). Next time he criticizes you, laugh and say yes, because he knows everything. Because he's just as clueless as you, and bringing you down means he can put you in your place and he is somehow better than you. Don't ever change for anyone but yourself. Be true to yourself. Stand up for yourself. And the next time he puts you down, tell him that what he said was disrespectful and you will not be spoken to that way. If he then says it was a joke, say you don't understand how that was supposed to be funny. Ask him why is it funny to be mean to his girlfriend? What does that say about him? Don't let him bully you. You are worth much more than that.

link

Serendipity

Thank you, Levi-UR. You said exactly what I feel and I understand everything you said. You're sure. Thank U very much!

link

BiIrwing

Serendipity, I am not stressed because of my relationship. I am this way.. After I broke up with my ex, I started being very insensible and irritable with people. Because I was very unhappy with him. He was (or is, I don't know now) an idiot.
And V isn't trying to control me.He is perfect! He just wanted I were more honest with him.He isn't jealous. And both of us think that we need to be free as the same way we would be if whe weren't together.
About the bully, he is'nt bullying me! Oh, no, you understood it wrong .. It was an example. I don't know if it's because brazilians don't care, but we don't really mind with these jokes, do you know? If a friend of mine told me the same joke, I would laught and would probably say that he/she is fatter than I! The problem is not with them .. It's inside of me. I just need to change because of this. I don't wanna be this way with somebody that I love... Do you understand now?
Tnx for the help, anyway!

link

BiIrwing