My whole life ive never been good enough for people, ive always tried so hard to make friends and treat them as best that i could to keep them in my life, but no one wants me they all just leave. My bestfriend just left me a few days ago. I fucked up AGAIN! but this time was the last straw i cant take this fucking crap anymore and im just done with people. All i do iss fucking make them hate me, i deserve to be alone. I just thought this time it was different i thought i had found my first real friend and shes just gone and given up on me like everyone else. I thought it could be different i really didnt know how she felt i didnt mean for this to happen i just wanna fucking go back in time and fix this shit because i need her in my life., but she doesnt want me anymore. I just want one more chance to make things right so that i dont loose the best thing ive ever had, but she wont let me and its all my fault im a horrible person and a horrible friend. all i do is mess up. and im done messing up with this. Im done. Finished trying to please anyone. From now on i have to stay away from people before i drive somone else fucking insane. I deserve no one. and im never going to be happy. Im a fucking freak and i belong locked up sommewhere. Im finished.
I know where you are coming from. When I was in school, I never 'fitted in' with the whole social thing. People just called me weird and that was the end of it, they didn't really get to know me or understand me. I made friends, but they never stuck, all down to the fact that they just weren't on the same wave length. I think that's how you're feeling right now. Friends come and go, however, if they go, then you obviously didn't need them in your life, because they aren't there for you. As you grow, you will begin to realise what's really important for you, not other people. I read your profile and understand that you like helping others, but you need to think about how YOU are feeling, instead of worrying about what others are feeling. I think you should look deep within yourself, really find out who you are as a person, its only when you love yourself that others are going to see your true potential. You are not horrible or fucked up, everyone goes through these things, what makes you different is that you can do something about the way that you're feeling. If your friend doesn't want to stick around to help you, then she isn't a real friend, its hard to think that now, but you will see it eventually. We go through these things in life to remind us of where we are going. Keep strong, I hope this helped.
I have been where you are
-You're not a horrible person: I can see atleast 5 positive things in you just from reading your post. I'm sure there are many more. -Bad times will end: It's the bad times in our lives that teach us how to appreciate the good. -You must find your happiness within you: Happiness comes from within you, not someone else. -Do not cut yourself off from others: Talking to and opening to more people is going to be very good for you. In fact, it can teach you something new about yourself. -Actively search for lessons in your experiences: It will make you even better and stronger than you already are. -Think about, but don't dwell, on your past: As long as you see your lessons, you must move forward. -Look for people with similar interests: The world is huge and everyone's unique but there are quite a few people out there who find happiness in the same things you do!
Remember that your experiences have made you much stronger. Remember what you've gone through and understand that if this is the worst, then you're ready for anything else. Move forward like a tank in a battle zone. Don't be what someone else wants you to be, but become who you see yourself becoming.
Don't blame it all on yourself. I know it's a hard time for you now but hang on there, don't lose hope. It's all going to be alright. Be strong (: you don't know how much ability of being strong you behold! Life my dear, is a bitch! It will always mess things up. It's completely on us to fix things and not give up. We are all with you. You'll make it! And sweetheart please don't try to impress anyone. Let people come to you without you trying to impress them. Those people will be your true friends because they'll love you for who you are! Never change or try to impress. Best of luck. <3
Well, if people keep leaving you because of things that you are doing (as you've expressed) then what's stopping you from making positive changes in your actions and behavior? The hardest thing we have to realize is that sometimes the problem does in fact lie in ourselves. That being said, we also have to realize that not everyone is meant to be our friend. We aren't going to like everyone and not everyone is going to like us. But we can still manifest positive changes in ourselves through introspection and study. We can't let the bad times erase all the good ones and prevent us from being happy again. Keep going and keep growing. Best of luck.
Well, My suggestion is to find something that you can use to vent things out. Find somthing that you can use to get the distractions and the anger that is inside out through whatever hobby you choose it be art, dancing, acting, or writing, you need to find something that reminds who you are as a person and most importantly, prove to yourself that you can be that person. Don't try to prove to other people that you are special, prove yourself that you are special. Go for the stars kid, and don't you let anybody stop you.
Remember, you always have a friend in me and all of us. You are not alone.