Can i use some advice? | BlahTherapy - Online Therapy and Counseling Services.

Can i use some advice?

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Hey guys, i just discoverd this beautiful community and wanted some help about my situation if you want.
It may sounds insane, but i had a crush on the same girl for about 7 years from now. That’s right, 7 awful years. I tried multiple times to forget her, but i simply can’t, i’ve met multiple “interesting” girls during this period, but none of them was comparable to her.
I love her, i know that a simple thing like a smile towards me, or an answered text message can either make my day or let it down, plus half the time i am thinking about her.
I know i am at the limit of obsession, and it’s not normal, but i can’t do anything about it, and i am 90% sure she knows.
We get along pretty well, we talk, we joke and we have same ideas and opinion, but we never search each other (we go to the same class, so naturally we stay in contct for half of the day).
So here i am, asking you help. I’ve always been the guy who gives advice about everything, the one you talk with if you have a problem, but this time, I want an advice, i want someone who tell me what to do, i need it.
So: what should i do? Ask her out? Compliment her? Spend more time with her?
Help me,please. Don’t tell me to give up and carry on, because trust me, i tried and it didn’t work, and the act i see her almoat every day doesn’t help.
I don’t have any problem talking to her, the most difficult thing would stay alone with her, not because i am shy, but because it’s impossible to finde the time.
I know i sound desperate, almost stupod, but that’s because i am.
Every last bit of advice would be gladly welcome
I am aware that you need a lot more information about this situation to give a soild advice. But if you are willing to help me, i will give you every information you’ll require.
Thanks
P.S: sorry for bad grammar, english is not my first language, so yeah

EDIT:thanks for tha answers, i know i need to tell her how i feel, but the problem is i can barely find the time to talk with her alone, plus:
You can tell it on the go, you have to take quite a long time to explain this
You need to be alone, otherwise i will be awkward
You have to say directly to the other person, it’s too important to be said via text or even via phone
That is my real problem, how can i convince her to spend some time alone. How can i ask her out. If you eant, i will provide any information necessary

Category: Tags: asked September 21, 2013

17 Answers

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You definitely seem to be in love with her. Make your feelings clear to her. Don't run on assumptions. It is better if you just talk to her about the way you feel. You never know what is running in the mind of the other individual until you speak about it loud and clear. 7 years is an awful long time to wait in anticipation. Do not sit any longer and go speak your heart. If she doesn't feel the same way about you, atleast you can chalk out your future. Be brave and take the risk. Its better to try and fail, rather than being stuck with the thought of what if... Good luck :)
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I would as well advise you to go for it. If you never make your feelings for her clear, the time will come when it is too late. Maybe you feel you could ruin your friendship if you tell her what you think, but it is a risk worth taking, specially as you love her so much. Go ahead and keep us informed on what happened, remember we are here for you.
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Well, why not inviting her to a place you know you could have some privacy? You said you two are in the same class. So how about inviting her at your house with the excuse of doing homework or studying something together. You will have a couple of chances there to try and explain the whole situation to her.
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@Emanuele Well, as for what you should say or do once you manage to be with her, well... I think it will be better if you say it from your heart, I know it sounds too sentimental, but it has never failed. We all together could get you the best words ever, but it wouldn't be you, and we all want her to fall in love with you, not with a bunch of people who unnited to give you those words.
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Just tell her how you feel. It's the best and most healthy option for you and once it is out in the open you might actually get somewhere with her.
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@Emanuele Don't worry, it is not a bother at all. We are here to help you. However this last question of yours is the hardest to answer. Specially as I don't personally know you or her. However as others said already, it would better to talk with her. Tell her how you feel and what you think. I wish you the best of lucks with her and I really want you and her to be together. Just keep us informed on how you are doing and don't doubt to add me as a friend here to keep in touch.
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Have you tried asking her to go have lunch with you or to just hangout out of school? Well here is my opinion for you. Does she show any sign of liking you back? Does she ever mention another boy to you or somebody she's eyeing at? Sometimes those are clues girl give off to let a guy know she doesn't see you more than anything else but a friend or a close friend. Does she ever say she sees you as a big brother? If so that's like a dead give a way that she's not interested. Sometimes before you act so quickly its best to analyze where you stand in her life. If she doesn't see you that way it could end up being awkward and she might even stop talking to you. I had a friend who was my friend for years and i saw nothing in him and one day he asked if i would like to be in a relationship with him. Long story short things got awkward and we havent spoked ever since. Sometimes i wish he valued friendship more than being in a relationship with me because i wish we were still close but because of that it messed up our lifetime friendship.
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@Emanuele Sorry for the late answer, but school is taking most of my time at the moment, specially with exams comming on. How have you been? What has been going on between you and her? Because it has been almost a week since you started this question, so how about a little update? Have you two managed to be alone so far? Have you told her anything regarding this? Has she said anything that you could take as an obvious signal even if you are not in love with her?
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@Emanuele it may not be a hint, as you said, we don't know her enough to know if it is a hint as well. But either hint or not, it is a chance, take it and invite her to your house to study and help her with the homework she may have missed. I would advice you to be yourself as you invite her, be confident on yourself, she won't go unless you ask her, and if she says no, then nothing would happen, but you will still have the chance to invite her and that things will work. So go for it as soon as you can.
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Thanks for tha answers, i know i need to tell her how i feel, but the problem is i can barely find the time to talk with her alone, plus: You can tell it on the go, you have to take quite a long time to explain this You need to be alone, otherwise i will be awkward You have to say directly to the other person, it’s too important to be said via text or even via phone That is my real problem, how can i convince her to spend some time alone. How can i ask her out. If you eant, i will provide any information necessary
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I suggest a public place for both of your well being, ask her directly if you can talk to her for half an hour on a bench. In a way I think there is a reason why she doesn't want to spend time with you alone.
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@Metal Mischief that's something i was willing to do for a long rime, i'm waiting the right moment (a test or something), thanks for the advice. The thing i am more worried about is how i should ask it to her but thanks for the advic @rinseandrep i don't think she dislikes staying with me. Actually we stayed alone sometimes and she looked like to enjoy it (it's not an easy thing to understand, but the fact she was keeping up the conversation and aleays looked directly at me was a hint she was at least enjoying that time), but i am interested to know what you think is the reasone she doesn't want to be in private. Finding some time alone is the hardest part, i will try metal mischief's advice, but i don't know what to tell her (i am repetitive i know, but that's my biggest trouble
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@Metal mischief , i never thought about that, it's true, i want her to fall in love with ME, so that's probably the best thing to do, you are quite an amazing person :) . The fact is, i always want to have everything under control and clarified, and not being able to tell if she interested drives me crazy. I know about body language and stuff like that, but because i am the interested person, i surely overestimate her behaviour. Sorry if i am bothering you again, but i would like to know how being able to tell if she may like me, even a little bit. Thanks
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@Metal mischief you are right, the only thing i need to do is talking to her, otherwise i'll never know it, but i am terrified about her answer, either if it's good or bad, and i am not easily scared. The truth is, having to chase her for 7 years, having to accomplish the "quest", to her heart, has become one of my reason of living, my happy ending. I am not saying that if she answers no i am going to jump of the window or lock myself inside my house til i die, nothing like that. It's just it is one of my best reasons to get up every morning, knowing that this might be "the day". The thing i am most afraid of is, if she doesn't love me back, and that door is foreve shut, a big part of me will die completely, this is the worst feeling in the world, and i am running out of . As for ehat @limitless said, yeah, we can argue i almost saw her grow and becoming a woman, so i know her quuite a lot. The point is, because i love her, i can't distinguish what is a signal of interest and what is not, because i hope with all myself that even something insignificant is a sign. That's why it's hard to tell her feelings. I perfectly know you'll need to see us in "action" to give the right advice, but still, i'd like to know your opinions on the matter, if you like P.S. I really enjoy talking to you guys, i never felt so welcome as i am now, neither so willing to share my problems. thanks
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You need time to explain everything to her, and you need to tell her in detail. But you don't have time to do this. So write it all down. Write her a letter. It might seem silly but it's a very good way of getting down everything you want to, and to be able to check it over and edit it before you give it to her. It also means you can be uninterrupted and let her look over it in her own time. If you don't have time to talk this could be a better way of letting her know how you feel. Seven years is a long time to go through those feelings, so you've got to go for it and know one way or the other.
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[email protected], no she never said anything like that to me, even if i am pretty sure she knows it. actually, some time ago we were talking alone and she pointed out multiple times how she needed to study math for the upcoming test, and even repeated it when i was talking with another firend (but i didn't caught the occasion because i am terribly dumb and can't get an hint like that). The fact is she gives me mixed reactions. One day she seems to be talkative, the other she ignores me, and i don't know what to listen. But i noticed a trend: the rare times we find alone or in a small group, she looks more willing to talk, even start the conversationl plus she gets (don't know if intentionally or not) often in front of me, in bigger groups instead she is distracted by her friends, also male ones (fortunately they are friends-friends, plus they are both engaged, so not a "risk") and i am put a little aside (probably i am not the most talkatove person in out class). Once again: what do you say?
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@Metal mischief don't even say that. I am the one asking for help, and i take this time to apolgize for my late answer, i have school too. Anyway, that's the problem! She didn't do anything that makes obvious she likes me, nor she did something that deny completely the possibilty. But i might have a chance: for the last three days she was sick. Nothing serious, but she didn't show up at school. Yesterday i talked to her by facebook, and talking about this, she said she now needs to recuperate a lot of things she missed at school. Should i take This as a hint she want to study with me, or i might be exagerating? I know it isn't easy to give an advice based on this, and if i don't ask i will never be sure, but i am afraid it might get awkward.)