Can guys and girls be best friends?

3

From my personal experience, being friends with a guy has rarely worked out or it’s just been awkward because you know that either they have feelings for you, or you have feelings for them, but it’s not reciprocated. My best friend for about half a year has been a guy, but recently he completely betrayed my trust and has left things in a really rubbish situation. Are any of you close friends with the opposite sex? How’s it working out? Have you had any positive/negative experiences of this?

Category: Tags: asked May 8, 2014

16 Answers

3
My best friend for 3 years was a girl, there was never any feelings or hormones in the way other then noticing she was attractive when we first met. She helped me through the hardest parts of my life, when we traveled we shared beds and when we dated we were friends with each others boyfriend/girlfriend. Theres really no need for awkwardness. And to be completely honest even if there is an attraction there thats no reason not to be friends. If they ask you and you turn them down they might be hurt but after a while things go back to normal and you stay friends.
1
I have more guy friends than I do girls, and I'm totally ok with it! Guys usually have less drama and don't really judge you for looks and appearance as much, it's totally ok! If anyone has a problem with that, the can talk to my fist!
1
In all honesty I am in the exact same situation except we both have feelings for each other and we both know it but neither of us will do anything in case we're both wrong. But we are really good friends and we hang out like we were both from the same gender and both of our families are fine with us hanging out and having sleep overs as well. I think that in some situation just sitting down and having a serious talk that you don't tell your other friends about and you just keep between the two of you is really all you need to make things better again :)
1
my lifelong best friend is a guy. i've known him since preschool, we would sleep over at each others houses and nothing ever sparked up and the idea of romance was never present in either of our minds
1
My bestfriend is a guy. I can't remember when we became friends but there was a point where we were crushing on each other, just to shy to do anything about it. Now we're as close as brother and sister and we talk about everything (including his girlfriend and my boy issues).
1
I have just got through the same thing. I have been best friends with a guy for over two years. And we kind of went through the same problem..He was going through some serious stuff and he kept it from me.. It began to be kind of a problem because we tell eachother everything and eventually we quit talking. I hated it so much and I missed him everyday. We didn't talk for almost 4 months, but then he contacted me again. We're just as close as we ever were now, and he told me about all the stuff that he got involved in that he's away from now.Not sure if you want to hear this, that a break might be whats needed, but I promise it all worked out in the end:)As for the growing feelings for eachother thing, no. We have never had problems with that. We constantly get teased that we're going to marry each other and stuff and it just bugs us, doesn't even strain. I cousel him on girls and he gets to hear me talk about boys! That's never been a problem, and I don't think it has to if both parties are on the same page.
1
Only thing i can really do here is say my opinion, which is easy: YESMY bestfriend is a girl, we have had each others backs since first grade (Im male)
1
I've only had one guy best friend, the others have all been female. They never had feelings for me, I never had feelings for them. It was always like a brother/sister kind of relationship. We would love each other, but in a platonic way.
0
My best friend is a guy... I've never been attracted to him beyond friendship and I don't think he has ever been attracted to me beyond friendship either. Its possible to be just friends with guys and never have any feelings beyond that evolve. I do know what you mean though as having guy friends can lead to feelings for them and vise-versa. It can be hard sometimes but don't let that turn you off from being friends with guys. :) I'm sorry about you best friend :/ I hope you two can work it out or you'll find a new and better friend.
0
I grew up with one guy, and we were both really close. I don't think he's ever been attracted to me or wanted to date me, and I don't feel that way towards him at all, either. We haven't hung out in a while, but we hung out almost every day, in the past. It is possible, however it can be a little rare... Sometimes it's better when the both of you are in separate relationships, that way you both know it'll never happen. But still, it's difficult when you find him attractive, or he finds you attractive. But long story short, it is possible even though it is a little more rare.
0
That's reassuring :D Thank you. I just remember being told by someone that any guy that your friends with will always have more feelings for you or would have pictured being with you at some point.. I guess it's just so difficult knowing who to trust these days and guys really don't make it much easier :p Thank you, I really want to work it out... I've been so put off people lately and I don't want it to affect me forever :P
0
I have good friends who are guys. One of my closest friends is a guy and he turns out to be one of my friend's brother. We've known each other since we were young and, of course, when we were elementary school I mostly just found him annoying. It changed when we entered high school and I became closer with him than his sister. There was a time when I was wondering if it was safe to be this close with a guy. I was afraid that he'd develop feelings for me or I'd end up with a crush on him. In the end, I just went with it. So far, neither of us has had romantic feelings towards each other. He's got a girlfriend now and I often have to help him out with girls. It is perfectly possible for a boy and girl to be friends without it getting weird. Don't over think it.
0
of course. I have many male friends who I have no interest in and consider some of them (like) brothers
2
Sorry, this is really long, but I thought you'd want my entire explanation.

It's popular notion that heterosexual men and women cannot have a platonic friendship because sex gets in the way, and they certainly cannot be best friends. This, my young children, is a lie.

Why People Believe It:

Reason #1: That's the way it was back then, it's the same way now.

Counterargument: Looking back in humanity's past, women and men have been separated from each other and had contact limited to marriage and making babies. They were never given that chance to connect. Now, however, we are raised together, and have interactions with both women and men on a daily basis.

Reason #2: We don't have enough in common.

Counterargument: This draws upon a number of sexist social stigma that are reinforced from childhood. Men are taught that women are less than them, that the only thing they should care about in women is their beauty and their use to men, and that it is important to be dominant.

On another side of the gender spectrum, women are taught that they are supposed to be submissive to men and that they should look and dress in such a way that prizes a flawed, ridiculously unattainable appearance, and that they must limit themselves from "manly" activities simply because they are women.

We are taught from birth far too many negative things: women can cry and have emotions like real people, but men can't because "it's not manly". Men can be treated like real people and women can be objectified. Women who are sexually promiscuous are whores, but men are heroes if they have lots of sex. If women are virgins, they are holy magical creatures to be worshipped, but if men are virgins, they're losers. Both women and men are told that men are nasty, disgusting beings that only care about sex, while men and women are told that women are annoying, shrill things that only care about their appearance.If you agreed with any of those sentences about male and female stereotypes, I suggest you alter your worldview and take a step back to think about how much you and others are influenced by the media, and what the media is telling you to be.

The truth is, women and men really do have a lot in common. We just can't trust stereotypes, because everyone is different, and we can't trust the media because it will lie to us and tell us what we can and can't be. You can be whatever you want.

Reason #3: Sexual attraction ruins any commonalities.

Counterargument: Just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean that means you immediately can't be friends. Acknowledge it, and then move on. Don't demean the worth of friendship with someone because you're interested in them--the worth of a friend is just as much, if not more, than the worth of a romantic or sexual relationship. One friend doesn't have to be a homosexual or Sheldon Cooper to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. All that stuff your family and friends tease you about when you hang out with someone who is not your gender, or things that you say, like "Oh, is that your girlfriend?", "Are you two dating? Because you're always together", or "They're all over each other, it's obvious they're having sex", you need to stop. There is no point in separating the male and female genders.

Reason #4: Guys are only in friendships with girls to get into their pants.

Counterargument: First of all, that's sexist. Like I said before, not all men are the same. Sometimes (and this is a real shocker, I know), people are just nice because they're nice people. There are people who want to be friends for no other reason than because they want to be friends. Simple as that.

Second of all, for those of the people that do, you can't automatically assume that all men are douchebags who pull the whole "nice guys finish last" thing. It's not uncommon for men to know that women are not tools or machines, and you can't just throw women a cookie and expect them to have sex with you. Women are, always have been, and continue to be, human and must always be treated as such.

(By the way, "friendzoning" is overamplified and "relationshipzoning" is underamplified. People who are into dudes don't go looking specifically for assholes that will treat them badly, they look for people who have the confidence in themselves to go for it. They don't go for guys who play the "nice guy" card and pretend they're angels and that women are blind. Just because you're there for someone doesn't mean you need to hook up. Your best friends are probably always there for you, but that definitely doesn't mean that now you have to have sex with each other, right? It's not okay to think that just because you're nice to a person doesn't mean they must now let you screw them. People are not pretty trophies that you work for.)

So yes, men and women can be friends. Best friends, even, to answer your question. It's not just some magical occurrence that only happens in fairytales and stories. It's real. I assume many of you think that it's not okay to exclude a person from being your friend because of their race, religion, or sexual preference. Why is gender any different?

(It's not.)

But you had a very good question, and a very reasonable one. I hope I answered it.
0
Yes. But the sad thing is that guys complain about the "friend zone." Nevertheless, it is there. But I don't think it's right that if a guy is nice to you, he expects you to like him and he thinks you owe it to him to go out with him. Just let him know you only want to be friends and be very clear about it.
0
Yes I have a best friend that is a guy. No feelings of ever wanting anymore have ever came up. He talks to me about his girl problems, and I talk about my guy problems. In my opinon having a best friend of the opposite sex is something very well needed. They can give you insight into where your going wrong and views from the opposite sexes mind.