Breakup heartache and undecided what I want from now on


I need recommendations on:

How do I really know if I want to try to get my ex-gf back? (Right now, I definetely say yes)
Recommendations on how to go through my first break up (beside spending time with friends and waiting for the time to pass by)
How do I really know what she wants if she’s confused as can be? Should I wait for her to clear her mind and meanwhile, give her space?

Well, here’s my story: I’ve been dating my ex for about 2.5 years. We’re quite quite different like she’s a vegetarian and I love meat, she supports many social causes while I just support her supporting them and many things alike. BUT we managed to get over them most of the time, looking common ground Obviously, we argued sometimes like in every realtionship, not too often so it wasn’t toxic at all. But for the last 4 months, I saw her lack of spirit in everything she did (she was always passionate about everything, not only us, before it) She started changing some habits like enjoying things she previously critiziced harshly (like attending sports events or going to parties she swore she would never go because they never attracted to her) I started to start lacking confidence because of it, thpugh she always was trustworthy. Then she went to China for a summer program for about a month. One day, I went crazy and decided to quit on the relationship and breaked up with her because the distance was driving me mad. In a few days, I realized what a big mistake I just did and I missed her a lot, like never before. She came back from China and we agreed to see each other today in the morning. It was a long and satisfying talk because it came clear to me in which aspects I failed (ignoring the day I broke up with her) and that I could be totally capable of mending them in the future. The only problem is that “it takes two to tango” and she says she’s confused about her life in general and she’s in a process of rediscovering herself. She says she misses me, misses the relationship in general and she’s thankful I always tried to give her the best, but she just can’t have a relationship in this moment because she’s not Ok with herself. I think she’s wise to give herself time but still there’s a part of myself that want to be back together… So, what should I look for or how can I just keep going on with my life without her?

Category: Tags: asked July 15, 2014

4 Answers

What I say to anyone who's confused about their past/current relationship is this: Write down a list of what you want in your partner. What characteristics, qualities, skills, type of personality, etc. You don't want to lower your standards just because you have history with a person. Once you have your ideal list of what you want - check off what your ex has... Then seriously think about whether it's worth it. Most times, people break up with their ex for a reason. I would assume that there's more to your break up than just the her being away from you in China. Hope this helps!
I would say that you should give her some space to sort things out even though it seems I'm not saying cut off all communication with her but give her some space stay friends while she's rediscovering herself and without pushing too much showbher all the things she liked about you originally. By doing this she will get the space she needs and the freedom to rediscover herself while you still get to be part of her life even if it may not be how you wanted it to be, if your right for her and she's right for you tthen she'll come back. And if you two aren't compatible with the changes then it is time to look elsewhere. The key to a good realationship ( in my opinion) is to be friends before lovers. I know it may be hard but I hope this helps.
Your story intrigues me. I just got out of a long distance relationship because my boyfriend broke up with me. He went off to college and basically said he didn't have time for me anymore. He would be joining clubs and forming study groups. He said we'd barely have time to talk. So he just broke it off. It's like having everything you craved, to just be thrown down and not getting back up. I need him. It's so much more than a want. He had helped me for so long. He helped me from taking all of those pills. He stopped me from self harm. He stopped me from giving up on myself. And just like that...he's gone. I'm trying to do all I can to stop my thought process. I'm trying to stop the consumption of him in my kind. But it's so hard to forget someone who gave you everything. I'd advise you to leave her be. She needs to find herself. She needs to know who she is and accept herself before anyone else does. As long as she's happy, right? You see, some people are cigarette breaks. Others are forest fires. You choose what you will let her become. I wish you the best of luck. And if fat brought you two together, destiny will free you.
If she's rediscovering herself, she's going to be changing. This means she might be a different person than she was for those two and a half years. What I would recommend is giving her the time to figure out who she is and then from there on try to become friends with her and see how you like who she has become. If so, dicuss with her then on getting back together. Don't interfere with her life as much, wave hello and smile, stay on civil and decent talking basis, if you can, but for the most part just chill out and wait to see what happens until you're sure that she has completely done with her rediscovery.