Boyfriend suddenly has rules for me?

1

Out of no where, he has created a set of rules I’m supposed to follow. I’m breaking one now. He wants me to delete my social media accounts. He seems to be cutting me off from a lot of things- including friends and family…
The whole situation is pretty odd. He used to be very mild mannered. He doesn’t hurt me, but he’s very jumpy.
Can someone please explain?

Category: asked August 26, 2014

11 Answers

7
accepted
This is a serious red flag and you're better off out of there before it gets worse. He is actively cutting you off from anyone who could help you, which is a critical bow in the quiver of an abuser. Let him know that his possessive, dehumanising behaviour is unacceptable and you won't stand for it.
3
Hello,

If this person is showing you signs that he is controlling now it is probably best to get out unless you can be dominant and assert yourself. That being said... put the same rules back on him that he puts on you and see if he likes it! Obviously can't argue the rules since he came up with them... but we'll see how much he likes having to follow. I am going to bet once you do that he may back down or get upset. If he gets upset and reveal why these rules exist and apply to you only so you can deal with the real problem of trust issues.
2
Controlling behavior absolutely can lead to physical or emotional abuse later on. It doesn't happen all the time, but absent any rational justification for his behavior, I still think getting away might be the best idea.
2
If he's cutting you off from other people and suddenly creating rules you have to follow, that is a MASSIVE warning sign, that is a HUGE sign of abuse in a relationship, and its a massive problem. I would honestly cut all ties with him and get out of that relationship as fast as humanly possible. That kind of isolation is a hallmark example of stepping towards serious abuse and if he's trying to keep you away from friends and family get away from him as quickly as you can.
2
I'll agree with everything above, but also leave you with this thought: relationships are supposed to enhance your life -- not control it, not limit it, not replace it. If he really cares about you, he will let you do as you please with full knowledge that you'll still come home to him at the end of the day.
1
Personally if this were me i would break up with him, he seems to suddenly become controlling, maybe something has happened to him? sit down and have a talk and clear things up, telling him how you feel and you choose what you do, not him. maybe negotiate with him and tell him what you will and wont do, if he is not okay with that then you really have to look at your relationship and ask yourself ' is this where you want to be' if he loves you / likes you he wont want to loose you and he would be open to changing some of the rules.. this is an odd situation, relationships are supposed to have boundaries, not rules.
1
If the controlling behavior came out of nowhere, then yes you should get away, and make sure people know you and he aren't a thing anymore. When people try to control their partners for no reason, that's a warning sign for a potentially abusive relationship. If he's being suspicious that you may be cheating, and he's right, then you have to decide if the relationship still matters to you enough to be completely open and honest, or if any Infidelity was a sign that you are done with him, in which case, we're back to leaving.
1
No....I don't cheat. We've been on and off for a couple of years.... Could he really become abusive? He's never acted like this before! When I say jumpy, I mean like afraid. He's acting afraid of something. Like, we'll be walking and he makes a conscous effort to check to make sure its safe, and he act like we have something or someone to be afraid of. Its rather worrysome.
1
I broke up with him, and I have people involved so he can't come near me... I broke one of those rules and he started hitting me, so I'm keeping my distance.
1
This could be abusive or mental disorder that's just now developing. It's important to talk to him figure out what's going on and make an educated decision. If you become more fearful and he does try to alienate from the outside world. Take a break and step out of the relationship until something can be done or changed.
0
This is a really hard one. I complete understand you. If I were you, I would try to talk to hiim ans say him that he can not set rules for you. Maybe he doesn´t kmow that you doesn´t agree with his rules. You can also talk with a friend Maybe they can give you advice to solve the problem. If he doesn´t want to set the rules down you Cold break up with him. Maybe you find a better one. if I were you,I would not listen to himbecause his rules are stupid and it is your life. You are the only Person who decide your life. I think he is jealouswhen you talk or write to other Boys because he loves you ans only want the best for you and your realitionship. I hope you would find a way to solve the problem. Good Luck