Boyfriend frequently makes morbid jokes?

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What bothers me is that they don’t sound like jokes, but that’s what he calls them, and they come up at times where I don’t expect them. Like today, he told me that if I ever lied to the cops that he raped me, he would have to murder me. “If you ruin my life over a lie, I would have to get back at you.” (This makes this seem a lot less like just a joke.) and this is right after he told me that he could always find out where I live. He’s made jokes like this before, saying that if I ever came at him with a knife, he would dump my body into a lake. Or that he’s not afraid to jump a girl, particularly one that I’m cheating on him with. He just says too much. Part of me feels like these are secretly warnings from his end, because he has trust issues. This morning, he told me that if I were to ever dorm in college, he would dump me because he couldn’t deal with the paranoia. He’s constantly accusing me of texting other guys while I’m talking to him over the phone, but again, he always plays it off as a joke. Or if I don’t reply to his text for just a few minutes, he’ll “playfully” tell me to stop ignoring him. And I get that his thought process in these situations that he comes up with isn’t totally unreasonable, but I feel like there’s no reason to say these things. They’re not even funny; they just sound awful. Am I just being too sensitive?

I just want to view him as someone who would never ever hurt me, but obviously, it’s hard to do that when he’s constantly coming up with these types of scenarios. Should I just be grateful that he seems honest?

Category: Tags: asked July 29, 2015

7 Answers

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No Alexandria, you're not sensitive because these jokes are simply not funny and sound more like threats. I don't know if trust issues really go into the reasoning behind these "Jokes" yet it sounds as if there is problems that he needs to handle on his own and it shouldn't really be involving you. Saying that he's not afraid to jump a girl to his own girlfriend sounds more like he wants to be in full control of you and have you fear him so that you'll fear saying "No' to him when he asks you to do something for him. Also, if he's worried about you coming at him with a knife or having to throw you into a lake then it sounds more like he's paranoid and that could be a possible danger to your safety. I would recommend you staying away from this individual instead of talking things out as this could only lead to more negative threats or even an action towards you to make you more scared of saying "No" to him. If it does come to the point where he's making more threats like this to you when you're ignoring him or they become more alarming ("I'm going to kill you tonight!") Then immediately inform law enforcement and let him deal with the officers. This is no business where you should handle this alone with him or fear for your life and he shouldn't be allowed to do this. If you need more support in moving on or you're worried about certain situations then please send me a message and I'll help you as best as I can by providing support and reassurance.
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To me, these definitely sound more like threats than "jokes" and you're doing the right thing by taking them seriously. Based off of what you said, it seems like they're stemming from the insecurity he has in relationships and his need to control everything that's occurring. The way he's acting seems to me like he's trying to manipulate the situation by staying on top of what you're doing (text messages, the dorm room) in order to ensure that he doesn't get hurt again. Threatening you is another way of ensuring you won't cheat on him or hurt him ("if you falsely accuse me, I will get you back for it"). It's his way of protecting himself. In my opinion, this behaviour is abusive and shouldn't be taken lightly. My suggestion would be to distance and separate yourself from this individual- it seems like he has issues that he needs to work through himself before he's ready to be in a relationship with another person. It's definitely not your job to try and fix this, and it's certainty not your job to put yourself in a situation where there is potential danger to your safety. If the threats become more severe or direct, immediately inform police of the situation. Stay safe!
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It sounds to me like he is giving you insights to his thoughts that he knows are wrong and socially unacceptable so he is passing them off as "jokes".
personally I do think you should be greatful for his honesty in a way but only because it lets you know him as a person and leaves you with a choice to make of whether you want someone who thinks like this in your life.
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Your statement where you said "I love him , or at least I try to" Tells me that you know he is wrong for you, so my question is, why do you try? If it is fear then I would strongly reccommend thwt you seek support to help leave this situation even though I know that can be really hard. You do deserve a hell of alot better than that. Having someone be jealous and want to control you can actually trick people into thinking the person cares and loves them(I'm not saying this is the case with you but I know this from personal experience) the truth is true love is based on trust and respect. It doesnt sound like he is showing you either of those things.
You said that your relationship is in a legal gray area, what do you mean?
I always hear warning bells when someone feels like they can't be open about their relationship with friends. These are all warning signs and I hpe you heed them for your sake. It might be helful to contact an agency like leavingabuse.com for support because any relationship that leaves you fearing for your life is a highly abusive one.
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Hmm, I would dump him. They sound more like threats than jokes. If you truly love him, just tell him how much you dislike his morbid jokes. I guess it's ncie to have so much attention, but with this guy, you need a lot of fresh air. Go out without him just for a day. Think about if he's right for you. If he's accusing you of texting other guys, you should just tell him off.I hope that helped!
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No miss, that's no morbid humour, morbid humour is actual humour, those sound more like promises, I'd do the wise thing, and keep my distance, look for someone with a proper sense of humour.
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This dude sounds cray, you should dump him.


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