I know for sure I’m Bi. I might feel pressured by it, but I know for sure now. Actually no, I don’t know. I like guys but lately I’m preferring the same sex. It’s giving me a headache. I don’t know what to think anymore.
I went to my orthodontist today to get my braces fixed. Usually co-ops work and the orthodontist checks up once in a while. My usual co-op was not there and instead there stood a new one. She was pretty. That’s all I thought as I sat down on the seat.
Being the awkward girl I am, I kept trying to find a comfortable position. When she said cheerfully, “Hi, how are you” I just smiled ever so slightly and managed to whisper out a “I guess I’m ok”. I was really really tired. I just had my finals and only got a few hours of sleep. She started to work on my braces and that’s when I realized she had beautiful eyes.
“Turn towards me a bit, I have to take off your braces on the other side”. I turned my head and she looked at me, and smiled. I instantly froze. She was beautiful. I was in my head, “who am i kidding, she’s got to have a boyfriend. and what if she only dates within her race? what if she doesn’t like our age difference? what college or medical school does she go to?” Millions of what if’s came into my mind.
So supposedly she glued one of my braces upside down and had to redo it again. She felt sorry because it’s actually quite uncomfortable to have to go through that process again. She told me to close my eyes. I think she was spraying water on my teeth and braces. Then she suddenly stopped. I didn’t open my eyes because I thought she was going to change her tool or something. I felt her fingers brush against my cheek and against my eyelashes. I stopped breathing and I felt my heart beat faster. I eventually opened my eyes and she seemed shocked and quickly recovered with a “there was some water that splashed onto your eyelashes”. I nodded and she went back to work.
Later after all that she wanted to inspect everything one last time. So I was like ok. I laid back down and she went SUPER CLOSE TO MY FACE. We were in kissing distance. And what made it worse was that she pulled down her surgical mask thing. I saw her lips and I quickly averted my eyes. I could feel her breath mingle with mine and I constantly tried to find something on the ceiling to stare at. I tried avoiding her eyes. My heart was going to jump out of my chest! She took her fingers out of my mouth and just stayed there for about 4 seconds. She looked at my lips and then quickly went back to her seat when my orthodontist came by to give me the final check up before leaving.
She adjusted her hair and didn’t look back at me. I don’t know. She also laughed/giggled out of nowhere when I tried to keep my eyes open (I was kind of falling asleep). Her neck was glorious, it was smooth and her makeup was just right.
I CAN’T GET HER OUT OF MY HEAD. Is this love? Because if it is, I’ll be sad. I can’t see her for another two months and co-ops come and go.
I hate this. Ugh.
