When I was about 13/14 I lost a lot of weight and lost my menstrual cycle. No one commented on my weight in the first place, no one ever called me fat, but I also struggle with social anxiety and I feel like that has something to do with it. I had to move schools because my mum couldn’t afford to pay the fees anymore (I went to a private school for 11 years, but only because my mum was a teacher there so the fees were a lot cheaper – I’m not rich, nowhere near). After only experiencing a school with fewer than 200 people in it for 11 years, going to a state school with 1000 people in it was terrifying, especially with the anxiety. My new uniform was very loose on me and it made me self conscious. So along with my mum threatening to take me to a doctor unless I ate more, I started gaining weight again. I gained it slowly at first, but then this year my mum got a new job 3 hours away from where we lived, so we moved. I’m away from any friends I’ve had the courage to make and my new house makes me really uncomfortable – my bedroom looks like the type of room you would stereo typically expect a sex offender to hold someone hostage(sorry if that seems insensitive, but it paints an accurate image of how bad I feel). Since I found out about having to move, I’ve been binge eating. And now that I’ve moved, I’m still doing it. But I still have the same thoughts from when I lost weight, which means I’m obsessive about losing weight yet I can’t stop putting it on because eating has become a form of comfort – so all I want to do is be skinny again. I need to know if anyone else has gone through bingeing after anorexia, and whether while you’re doing it, you still have the same level of obsessiveness with losing weight and the same self-hatred of your body? If anyone has gone through this, did you manage to stop and lose weight again?
