Being an Atheist

So, I’ve never really been religious, and a few years ago I decided that I don’t believe in god. Rather, I find solice in science and evidence. I’m proud of my beliefs, and unapologetically stand up for who I am. But, as with many beliefs, it can be hard to believe something that’s different from the people around you. Especially living in a country, christian town.

I’ve been friends with this girl named Alex (I am also a girl) for almost two years now. She’s atheist too, but the rest of her family is the epitome of christian bigotry. It’s…unbearable to go over to her house. Her mom is absolutely ridiculous. She’s hateful and spiteful and shoves her religion down my throat. But the worst part of it is that she says shit about me TO Alex when I’m not there. (which Alex tells me later, which is how I know)…It’s insulting and actually kind of pathetic that a forty year old woman is ridiculing a fifteen year old girl. She thinks me and Alex are gay. Which we’re not. And I’m sure if you’re reading this, you know how christians feel about gay people.

Recently, I went somewhere with Alex’s family and we were talking about…I don’t even remember now, but we got on the topic of chick fil a. And Alex thought it’d be a good idea to say “hey mom, Kailey doesn’t eat there.” And of course her mom was like “why not???” …I don’t eat there because they give money to hateful organizations that discriminate against gays, which I don’t think is right. But from there, she found out that I was atheist (which I guess she didn’t know before, I don’t know how it’s not obvious) but I’m pretty sure I’m never going to get to see Alex again.

She said a lot of hateful things about me after that to Alex. I’m offended, and I hate the fact that she’s making me feel bad about who I am and what I believe in. No one should make someone feel that way. Especially a forty year old woman to a child. It’s disgusting. Anyway, I’m considering talking to my dad, who is also atheist, and maybe he can try to tell her that treating me that way isn’t right. (Not that I think she would be willing to talk in a civil manner anyway, because she’s such a hateful and stubborn bigot.)

To sum things up, I just needed to express that it’s really hard to…you know, stay strong and stay true to myself and to try to work things out. It feels really shitty for someone to belittle what you believe in. I don’t know how to handle this. Also, I will get into more detail about the things her mom’s been saying and all that stuff if someone would be willing to reply to this Q&A. It would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

Sidenote: If you are religious and are tempted to reply to this and tell me all about how wrong I am, don’t. I don’t need your shit right now.

asked March 18, 2014

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fantasticat

113

8 Answers

Any adult that is arguing with a child is ignorant. Any adult putting down a child's religious belief(or lack there of) is even more ignorant. Unfortunately, she is your friend's mother and has the right to keep her from anyone she thinks is a "bad" influence on her, religion or other. I am atheist. I have been since I was your age. The thing this mother doesn't realize is you are a teenager and will find any way you can to talk to your friend and visa-versa. Just know some people will argue for the sake of arguing and others will argue because they truly care about you and might be trying to save your "soul". recognize the difference and when their intentions are not for malice, be gentle in your responses. This woman will be how she is forever and you can not change her so don't waste your energy trying.

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crzzy247

Maybe ask Alex to stop delivering her hate, this is a person who is basically in the outskirts of your life. It's better to avoid their home, nobody likes to be told they won't accept their food, even if you are right. You will probably still be able to see Alex, but realize you are creating tension in her house by engaging her mom, try to be polite, as in "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything".

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rinseandrep

7,397

Dont argue with Alex's mom. She doesn't sound like a logical woman. As riseandrep said, you need to treat this situation with a certain amount of grace. Don't change what you believe, but rather treat the mom in a way where it doesn't create exponentially larger problems for you and Alex. My initial answer was gonna be "Argue with this bitch", but that won't get you far. It isn't your fault, but acting like it's hers is only going to make her angry. And about your dad, I'm really not sure if he should talk to her. I would avoid a parent being involved, as that might trigger a bigger reaction to this situation. Good luck.

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Game

331

BillsBrother, I only meant that I would go to church to win over her mothers trust. I hope you don't think that I'm trying to convert to christianity. Because I'm definitely not.

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fantasticat

113

Thank you all for replying. I just finished speaking with my dad. He basically said that this is pretty much Alex's fault because she shouldn't have told her mom. Her mom is who she is, and I am who I am and those things aren't going to change...so the only way to have avoided the situation of our disagreements in beliefs was to not tell her. But she did. So now everything's fucked up. My dad said that even though this is a shitty situation, there's basically nothing I could/should do. Like you said, I shouldn't waste my energy on something so pointless. Also, I'm basically a child and I can't say shit against an adult. Unfortunately that doesn't work like that the other way around, which is where my problem comes into view. So he said that Alex should be the one to fix this, because she's the one who told her, and that it isn't necessary for me to do anything since this isn't my fault. I didn't do anything wrong.My dad also said that maybe I should try to go to church with her family (which I really fucking don't want to do) to one, gain a little insight, and two, to try to win over her mother. My dad's been to church lots of times. That's not a terrible plan (it's just one that I really don't want to do) but I don't even think her mom would LET me come to church with her. I mean, church, to her, is a sacred place, and of course a hell-bound heathen like me shouldn't even step foot in a chapel. I don't know. I'll have to talk to Alex tonight and try to see if we can do something about this fucked up situation.

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fantasticat

113

Actually, fantasticat, church is supposed to be a great place for "hell bound heathens". And your Father has shared from his experience. He only wants what is best for you. This sounds like a great idea to build some trust with your Father and your friend's family.

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BillsBrother

681

Nope. Just stating that there should definitely not be a stigma with you stepping foot inside a church AND that your Dad would be pleased that you have followed his advice. Win Win.

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BillsBrother

681

Everybody has different beliefs on what "Christianity" is. My family was raised to believe God. But my sister was gay at one point. And now my brother went from being class player to third year in priest school. But I asked him how he felt about Gay people. He said he has plenty of gay friends. and believes god loves everyone. The bible is man made. although his school really bases their teachings off the bible Soley. anyways. yeah, not trying to convert anyone. Cuz I really don't care. Like I believe in God....but I also believe im going to Hell. Nevermind. My advice is probably useless. But Her mom Is kinda like mine. Mine acts all Christian says shell do anyting for anyone. She is the first one judge someone behind their back and smile to their face. Goes to church all the time....more than she spends with the family. Frowns upon everything in the news about gay people and murder. says when there are extentuating circumstances, "yeah right". She does not forgive or forget. Like they said, some people wont change. If your friends mom cares about her daughter enough to keep the friendship alive, then she will try to open her heart. But something you could do is open yours. I absolutely hated church when my mom took me. Really nice people. But they all knew me through my mom. I just went so she would shut up! like I said I believe im going to hell. SO church I think will do me no good. but since you don't believe in a hell, could it really hurt to go and spend some time with Alex? No one said you had to come in with her family, if Alex even goes. Anyways, like I said, this advice is probably stupid and useless, but I like to be on the other end of blah sometimes....just to give it a go....sorry if I didn't help.

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