Awkward ex/sister relationship with guy who I chose to be my brother..

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So complicated history, lived with my biological grandma all my life till her and my mum died a year apart. Then I was given to an aunt and uncle (biological) who had 5 kids, I was the eldest. I became the surrogate mum, raised the youngest from birth, gave them all my money while they mentally and physically abused me, falling into depression. I met my ex, who is also my brother out of choice because he and his father saved me from there, giving me a home and a true family, when my biological family kicked me out and disowned me and also supported me when I was raped by a workmate 6 months after being kicked out.

Currently he has a gf, who he has explained the situation to about us being ex’s but realising we were more like siblings/best friends, so chose to be family instead. She still sees me as the ex. And I’ve been trying very hard to make things work with her.

The other night we went out, and me and her were being girls and having a conversation with some guys while he talked to another friend. Then for some reason he pulls me aside, not her, and has a go at me, saying to not be so foolish, and that I should be in a relationship like him. I tried to explain I wasn’t like him, and get him to go back in so we could find his gf cause he had left her in the bar. Once I got that fight settled, we left the bar, and something happened between her and him and he walked off. I chased him even though he tried to push me away, and he broke down crying about his situation. I let his gf take care of him while I stood by to keep them safe so it didn’t seem like I was making him choose, but he ended up wanting me to comfort him anyway. I calmed him down and we made our way to bus to head home. Just as we got on and were waiting for it to leave, he started to have a go again saying we were making him choose between us while the whole time I have always pushed him to choose her, minus a few family times. Angry I told him I would wait for the next bus, cause I knew my way around and they didn’t. But then he ended up getting off the bus and left his gf there alone where no idea where she had to go. The girl he says is the one and is crazy mad in love with.

Can someone offer advice as to why he would have done this? He broke up with me, resolved all his feelings before I did that we were just siblings now and that we weren’t really in love. I don’t understand why he would do that?

Category: Tags: asked October 6, 2013

3 Answers

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First and foremost, I'm sorry about the loss. My condolences. He seems to be confused about his feelings towards you and his girlfriend. A part of me thinks he still wants you in a way. Have you talked to him since?
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I have spoken to him quite a lot since we broke up, we have been together but as freinds and siblings. And since that night I have spoken to to him as well, not as much as I would like or how we used to. I just don't understand. I am very adamant that there are no lover or bf/gf feelings for him anymore, I'm happy to have someine like him to call a brother, and I have been trying very hard to make tings work and easier on thier relationship cause I know its a weird and awkward situation. But he has withdrawn himself from me immensely and she refuses to make much conversation with me. I'm at a loss of what to do anymore.
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This sounds terrifying, and I think you are very brave. I know that you love him as a brother and you want the best for him, but you're not responsible for his feelings or the state of his relationship. He might need some time to work out what he wants? What he does with your girlfriend is not something you actually have control about, so I personally think you should try to disengage gently from the whole thing and avoid spending time with them together until things have settled. And don't blame yourself! None of this is your fault, and sometimes you can't really help people as much as you'd like to, they have to figure out things by themselves.