Anyone interested in sharing their story?

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Hi, I’m trying to cheer people up via my blog ( agabbiano.tumblr.com). I’ve made submissions open for the sole purpose for others sharing their stories of how they overcame an obstacle in their lives, as well as maybe show what they do, to help them cope. I’m asking for your stories, so I can share them with others, in order to let them know that they are not alone, and that there is always a way. If you want to share, and want to remain anonymous, you can do that. :) Let’s help others learn how to make their lives a bit brighter, and let them know that they are not alone. :)

Category: Tags: asked December 18, 2014

6 Answers

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I feel mildly self obsessed for actually answering this, but I know I'm completely full of myself anyways. Let's see... Basically, I'm driven by a massive uncontrollable hero complex. But wait, there's more. Or it gets more needlessly complicated. I'm an agnostic who actually realizes if I don't believe in god, then I have to accept that life has no meaning or purpose and that humankind are just another species that will die out in a couple million years, so everything is basically pointless. Once you reach that point, there doesn't seem to be a point to living, leaving me to come up with one for myself. To the awkward, antisocial 15-year-old version of me that figured this out, there didn’t really seem to be anything available, and I sort of drifted into suicidal depression. After a few years, at the urging of my overbearing parents, I got involved in medical research. 6 months in, I lost a patient who I was supposed to be working on a treatment for, in part due to my own laziness. I still blame myself for her death, in part because I developed an effective treatment for the patient’s condition a few months after they died. I could definitely have had it ready in time if I had taken the work seriously. That failure drove me to change, and I ended up using people and improving society to the extent of my ability as a life purpose, because that means that I'm maximizing what worth my life actually has by affecting the most different things for the positive. While that developed, I also slowly started learning how to be affable and make friends with whoever I spoke to. I got to the point that I could talk to a random person on the street and walk away with a job offer. Despite all these improvements, there are problems with that goal. It's completely thankless, repeatedly screws me over, and is dependent on my faith that human beings are worth saving. That faith is not always stable, and whether or not I have suicidal tendencies is based on whether I think people suck and can or can't improve. Then there's the fact that I have my own arbitrary standard of how much my life is worth, so my constant insecurity about whether I'm doing enough with my life to justify my existence isn't easily dealt with. I spent much of the last two years having sex with dozens of random girls and making them fall in love with me because I felt like their collective approval would be enough to make me feel like my life was worth something. It didn't really work, and eventually I stopped because it was morally disgusting. Not to mention the antithesis of what I want my life to be. Eventually, I found that volunteering as a EMT helped me constantly feel like I was doing something, and I wandered around the Middle East working on ambulances. It wasn’t enough, but it helped. I still don't deal with losing patients that well. I have a minor case of PTSD from working with that, and I’ve spent a year getting it under control. I also developed an addiction to working under pressure, and that’s led me to having the sort of goal I can work towards that will keep me fulfilled. I’m aiming to become a Trauma Surgeon and work with Doctors without Borders. To that end, I’ve taken up a bunch of random hobbies that might be useful, like martial arts, wilderness survival, lockpicking, parkour, knife throwing, and the like. All of it makes me feel like I’m working towards something that I actually consider important, that means something to me. After years of dealing with this kind of aimless depression, having an actual purpose has gotten me back on track. I’m a happy man. There’s certainly more to it; all the drama and relationships that have made up the last few years could fill a book. I walked away experienced, and significantly more cautious about who I open up to, but none of it changed the core of who I am. Fundamentally, I want to make the world a better place, and protect people who need protecting. Having that, and having a specific way to do it, has turned my life around to the point that I’m happy, active, adventurous, friendly, and feel capable of doing anything that I really want to. I'm lucky, I got to become the sort of person I've always wanted to be. I suppose I owe most of it to introspection, without that I'd have had no idea what needed to be done in order to fulfill whatever in me was missing and causing my depression. From that perspective, I guess anyone could have done it. It's surprising how many things are perfectly achievable that seem impossible when you first look at them.
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Well then you won't like mine. I haven't overcome anything. Life is still shit.
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Tell me about it. I'm all ears. :) Every story is worth telling.
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Wow, that's amazing. What makes every single of us significant on this planet, is the journey we make. You do having meaning in life, you come to aid others. Not only have you touched me with your story, I learned form it, and you have touched so many other people's lives. You did the best you could at the time. Their death is not your fault, it's the fleetingness of life. Even though people might not verbally express their gratitude, I'm sure they are grateful. I mean, who wouldn't be glad to be back in good health. Many people do try to cope with sex, and other things such as working under pressure, but unfortunately you had to find out for yourself that it was unhealthy. I'm glad to hear how far you've come, and it saddens me that you had to go through this pain. You have good goals, and I hope you'll continue on getting closer to it. If you wanted and haven't already, I can give you some advice on coping with loss. I've lost many people in my life, and have been hospitalized a handful of times, through all my pain I learned from it. I'm able to understand more people than I used to, and am able to share my experience with others. I found happiness through the things in life that have ached me the most, and is keeping me on a straightforward path. I'm proud of you.
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I'm not externally validated anymore, I don't really need the praise. The death is my fault, because I was finding ways around having to do anything at work, and if I had put in effort, there have been someone alive today who isn't right now. That's on my head, and even more so because I knew all of these things and still made the same decisions. I easily could have known that would happen if I had stopped to think about it for a moment. It's not the loss of a person, it's the loss of a person I could easily have done something to save if I had bothered to care at the time. I'll take the guilt for that, it's my due. Also, I'm an EMT. If I hadn't learned how to cope with loss, I would have broken by now.
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Even though you may think you don't deserve the praise, I felt like you did. You have and are facing a lot of hardships in your life and still continue on going towards the path of helping others. I realize that you must have heard it several times before, but you need to let go of the what ifs, and think about the what cans. It's a shame that someone has passed that was in your care, but you have to know that they were probably suffering beforehand, there's a possibility that they never came to the hospital, their death ended that pain. And I assume since they were in the hospital, they received more care than they ever would at home. It sounds like you've learned from your mistake, and that takes a lot of will power and courage to do. Having that experience must be very troubling for you. But know this, at least you have the heart to care. There are people out there who wouldn't have given any shit about it. You're making up that persons death by taking better care of the people around you and your patients .


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