As my last question states, I’m struggling with binge eating. But I’ve also noticed that this seems to correlate with my anxiety, particularly anxiety around my mum. (During the holidays and weekends) she spends a lot of time moving – what feels like unpredictably – around the house, which is when I’ll stay barricaded in my bedroom. Because when I’m around her I’ll worry that she’ll say something that makes me feel bad about myself e.g. talking about exercise or diets (I used to be anorexic and I didn’t recover properly, all I did was eventually put some weight back on. Then I had problems with my hip and knees which makes it painful for me to exercise and the doctors can’t seem to diagnose it, so I feel incredibly guilty when other people talk about exercising.) Then when she leaves the house, whether I’m hungry or not I’ll go and raid the kitchen.
Then when both my mum AND my sister are out of the house, I’ll go to the supermarket. Whenever this happens it’s as if “if I don’t go now, I’ll miss my chance!” or “If I don’t go to the supermarket, I’ll be missing out”. Does this attitude toward my mum suggest anything? Do these thoughts suggest a deeper problem? Because I still haven’t identified the underlying problem yet and I know that that’s the key thing for recovery. I don’t like the idea of seeing someone about it because I’ve spoken to a councilor before and all she said was “well you’re not underweight so there’s no problem” and then another one I went to was really patronizing.
(What’s making this even harder to recover from is the fact that there are about 4 supermarkets each being a 2 minute walk from my house.)