An escalation of a misunderstandings. How does one fix a wrong impression on their boyfriends dad?


My boyfriend (16) and I (16) both have yet to receive our drivers license. Due to this we need our parents to drop us off at each other’s houses and to pick us up for times we want to see each other.

The dilemma is that when his dad came to pick him up. I walked hand and hand with my boyfriend and dropped him off without saying a word of goodbye or a wave to the dad. I walked off and went inside. I then get a call from my boyfriend an hour later saying that his farher felt offended and disrespected for not having said hello or a wave for picking him up. And due to this incident I can no longer see my boyfriend as the dad wants nothing to do with me as I am disrespectful and an ill mannered girl. His dad claims to be old school and apparently dislikes me because of the incident.

Also note that, I came from a different cultural background than my boyfriend. He’s European American and I’m Chinese Pilipino.
The greetings are different where I came from. And in all cases where my friends got dropped off or picked up, once that friend comes they usually drive off immediately without a word of goodbye. Essentially I’m not used to parents wanting to meet me. To my surprise my bf dad very much did so and this was my mistake. I do not know how to appropriately apologize as the dad doesn’t even want to see me or be near me.

How does one salvage this relationship?

A penny for your thoughts.

Category: asked April 3, 2015

8 Answers

Differences happen, you meant no disrespect. The next time you see him, say hello or something like that. You can also try to have your boyfriend convince his father to give you another chance. His father shouldn't judge you based upon a first meeting.
Well if anything I think the dad should have also waved or at least said something. Unless he did then you should explain the cultural differences to him. As the adult, he should politely listen to you side of the story and not disregard it because that would make him disrespectful and very rude.
explain him everything. maiintindihan nya naman siguro yun :) make some effort for sending apologize to his father like ibigay mo yung kung ano yung gusto nya or favorite foods nya. suhol kumbaga :) if ever his father's still mad, mababawasan for sure yung galit nya or let your boyfriend send your apologies to him (ipaabot mo nalang). give him some letter of apology. there you can explain and say everything na hindi nyo pagkakaintindihan and why'd you do that attitude towards your bf's dad. hope this help. cheer up. Godbless :)
Well it was a misunderstanding. Please offer your apologies and stress that you meant no harm - quite the opposite, that you didn't aproach him because you felt it wouldn't be polite to do so.

Also, have your boyfriend act as a mediator. Have him stress that fact that you did not want to offend his dad in any way, that you are deeply sorry and this is all a cultural misunderstanding.

If his dad has any sense, he should recognize this. Unless he's racist, prejudiced or simply stubborn beyond reason, he should forgive you.
From what i red, he was disrespectful as well, as he didn't say goodbye or waved or whatever, so i think no one has the fault here.Anyway, i think you could use your boyfriend as a mediator to convince his dad that you meant no harm, and the incident happened on cultural differences.I think that as an adult mature person, he will understand and hopefully, give you a second chance.
My boyfriend and I are actually the same age as you two. I have also been in some awkward moments where his dad would come out and I wouldn't say a word but he never said anything to me and I didn't feel as if it was my place to greet him first. My boyfriend never said anything about it but later on I felt really bad about not saying anything while picking him up. Also, I don't know if his dad even cared or not because he's kind of laid back. Anyhow, I would just talk to your boyfriend and try and smooth things over with the dad. If you don't feel comfortable bringing it up then ask your bf to do it. The dad should be understanding about your culture and not hold a grudge against you for something as silly as that. Also, he did not approach you either so it isn't entirely your fault. If anything I think the adult should greet a child because sometimes adults can be intimidating.
Kumusta? I know Pinays. You are correct that there is not a lot of conversation at the "drop off" site. But I also know that Pinays have a hard time with confrontation. Americans have much more of an in your face attitude and the Pinays are much more reserved. It sounds like you are unable to speak to your boyfriend. I doubt if your dad would call his father, but maybe you can explain things to your mother. Tell her you feel you have lost face and that the only way to make things right is if you can apologize for the offense and try to explain the cultural differences. Who knows he may even soften a little when he sees you so humble and sorrowful.
same thing happened tome but we were just friends and we were both chinese filipino from what I notice the chinese people are actually the ones who are more concerned about the greetings and stuff to older peope because of filial piety(confucianism beliefs) but I guess yours is different. I think you shpuld just explain yourself toojust like what everyone else said. I dont think you meant to disrespect him. Just apologize. It was something I wasnt able to do because my friend has changed to become a bully to all of us and I havent met her and her parents since. Things have gotten worse for me and my friend so before things get worse between you guys APOLOGIZE