Am I too needy?


I really want my boyfriend to be more affectionate with me, like hugging and kissing me more often, but whenever I ask him to be more affectionate, he just says, “Sorry, I don’t do that.” If I want affection, I always have to initiate and I feel like that’s so unfair. I give him all kinds of affection, and I want him to return the favor for once. Heck, it’s even invading our sex life because I always have to initiate that, too.

I see people on TV shows having romantic dates and kissing each other without having to ask first and all I think is, “I’ll have what they’re having.” I look over at my boyfriend and he usually just scoffs and says sarcastically, “Oh how SWEET.” Arg, I just wanna go out on a date for once, dammit! I can count on one hand how many we’ve had in the past year we’ve been living together.

I feel like I have a right to be annoyed and unhappy in the relationship, but at the same time, I feel like I’m being too needy. My boyfriend says he’ll work on the affection thing, but he’s barely changed in the past year and I’m starving for affection. :,(

I guess long story short is, am I just asking for too much?

Category: Tags: asked June 12, 2015

3 Answers

To put it simply, no. To want affection is a basic human need, perhaps even more so depending on the nature of one's relationships. And I don't just mean being physically intimate, but the easiest thing like holding hands or just cuddle on the sofa or something. It's more than just touch, it's reassurance, comfort, a reminder that they're there. Sometimes you can have a hard time telling how you feel, which is why many prefer to show it with actions.

I know you mentioned having a talk with your boyfriend about it, but perhaps it's something you should make another attempt at. In a safe place, ask him what he wants, both from you and your relationship. And what you need from him. Communication and compromises is necessary to make a relationship work.

I would also like to add another point that doesn't perhaps affect your relationship directly, but nevertheless one good to keep in mind, is that some people are more averse to touch. For example asexuals ( not all of them, it's a completely individual thing) and it's not just that they don't have a desire to have sex, but even something like kissing make them uncomfortable.

In the end love, what matters is what makes you happy. And something that you may need to ask yourself is would you be okay in a relationship with less affection?
He sounds just like my boyfriend! Right down to the sarcastic scoffing.. I've had the same issues you are having and oh how it hurts! It's been almost two years and he hasn't made much progress at all! However, it all really started to change after I had a real deep heart-to-heart with him. I explained how I felt unloved and how his behaviour had been affecting me. It was effecting our sexlife as well, I always felt like he just wasn't interested. And things have started to improve, I still have to initiate a lot of the cuddling and sexy-times though. I don't think you are too needy!
Seems like a reasonable problem. Ask yourself, how long would you stay in this relationship if things stayed exactly like this? 3 months? 6? 1 year? If this is a dealbreaker for you, and the time passes withouth improvements, leave.