I am 25, and living with my parents. When I’m not working, I’m playing video games at my PC. Aside from eating and sleeping, that is what life consists of.
I have very little social skills, and aside from one good friend (who I rarely see) most of my “friends” are just acquaintances. It’s usually not hard being alone, but sometimes the want for social interaction gets the better of me and I feel myself going nuts
I was recently told I was getting laid off, so I found another (close to min wage) job and went there, but the people are horrible. I spend my day trying my best to get work done quickly while tiptoeing around the guy who likes to take his frustrations out on me. (snatches things out of my hand, or yelling at me, or if I have a question while he’s in one of his moods OH BOY am I in for it. and don’t even dare talk back to him or try to defend myself because that makes things much worse. I’m not filling out a report on him because I HAVE TO WORK WITH HIM! and we are the only 2 who close the shop at night.)
I got accepted to go back to college to be a welder (went for a 3D art degree a bunch of years back. nothing came of it) but that won’t happen until september and I need to save my money to go to school as well as the usual rent/groceries/internet/phone/transportation/water/etc that Noone thinks I pay for, but I really do. it’s like living with my parents automatically makes everything I say invalid to everyone else. I hear the horrible comments. the most humiliating came from contractors my mom hired to fix the roof. At my current horrible job, I mentioned that I put some money away every pay into a savings account.(not telling them for what) This other asshole keeps insisting that I will lose everything I have as soon as I start living on my own and see what life is “really like.” This, coming from someone who drinks, smokes, and smokes weed, when I do NONE OF THOSE EXPENSIVE HABITS! I just do video games and sometimes junk food. OH YEAH, and I also get flak for “not having a life.”
Another thing I take a lot of flak for is being a virgin, and I’m taking it from 40-51 year olds who spend all of our breaks saying horrid things about women that I will not repeat on this site. (I am acquainted with some of the targets of their terrible comments, and I informed the girls at our nearby Tim Hortons of what is said about them. needless to say, any friendly treatment they got at the counter no longer happens and they will never know why)
When I wake up, I worry about how I’m going to survive the day. When I go to bed, I worry about the next day, when the weekend happens, I’m either working without getting paid for it because I have to. (they call it compensation in lou of vacation or something) or stressing that theres only a few more hours left before I go back to hell, and when I’m not stressing, I’m lonely or depressed.
I have a night stand with little clay figures that represent each day I have to work until college. when I come home, I kill one. I also have little figures for my new years resolution workout goals that I destroy when I complete the goals, but the point is, any time I mention this, people think I’m homicidal.
It’s 3:30 on Sunday and I’m stressing that I can’t enjoy these next short hours until work because I have to go back there. I can’t get a new job, because I would have to call in sick to go to an interview (and interviews don’t usually ever mean you get a job)
In theory, I think my life is on the right track… Survive at work for another 7 months and then go to school for a profession that will hopefully solve my financial troubles, but on the other hand, I am going NUTS! I haven’t had a week off in 11 months due to other circumstances. Also, my parents are having a lot of financial trouble and our house may not last too much longer.
There are other problems, but not as big. The main thing is: How can I live like this? How can I seriously bide my time doing nothing? What can I do to stop feeling this terrible? Is there really something wrong with me?
Sorry for the long post. I feel a bit better now.