Am I being petty?

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My bf wants to move out of state, which I’m fine with. But he wants to move to a city on the other side of the contenent where he went to college. He already has several connections and friends there. I would be starting cometely from scratch, not knowing anyone there except his college buddies. I feel like it’s not fair of him to ask me to quit my program in school and my job and to leave everyone I know behind when he isn’t willing to make the same sacrifices and start over from scratch also. I feel like an outsider when we are his college buddies and I feel like this could cause some issues in our relationship. Am I being petty or pestimistic about this particular location? In the end I told him I would give it a trial run, but I have this terrible feeling that I’m going to be unhappy.

Category: Tags: asked June 27, 2014

10 Answers

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Hi there. relocations and moves to new cities usually come with these sort of anxiety. I guess he has his reasons to move to another city, but I dont think its fair for him to expect you to leave your job and just move with him. I believe you both would have discussed the before deciding to move. It surely would be tricky for you to manage the relationship and the new city together. Like you said, give it a try run, see how it works out. You may end up liking the new place. And you dont necessarily need to hang out with his buddies..i am sure you can develop your own friend circle and people you know there. All the best :)
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I personally believe that you are not being petty or pessimistic! You have expressed some valid points and moving away from home is never an easy experience! Maybe sit down with him and discuss it. Tell him exactly how you feel. Let him know that you are worried about adapting to this major change in your life. If a trial run means you can always go back then yes, maybe it would only be fair to let him have that. Maybe you will be happy after all and want to stay there. Maybe it's worth the try and it will mean the world to him if you at least give it a chance.
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sometimes you just have to take the jump to find out. Just do not cut all ties back home until you are sure you like the new place (school, job, etc) if you are open about it you can make friends of your own fast.
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Do NOT give up your life goals to satisfy a relationship where you don't feel they would do the same for you. I repeat: Do NOT sacrifice bettering your life and making something of yourself to be with someone. If you have just the slightest reservation of moving with him then you really should think a lot more about it... Long distance relationships CAN work if both people try. Where theres a will theres a way. Also make sure you are thinking logically instead of emotionally... I know you deeply care about your relationship and that's why you want to be with him but this is a HUGE change for you and you should be kind of selfish in this situation! Build yourself up first by getting your degree and finishing school and then think about making that move to be with your bf.
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I sat down with him and expressed my feelings. He doesn't quite understand why I'm hesitant. It's not that I mind moving, as we have talked about this before, but he moved up the time table on me. I could handle moving in a few months instead on a couple of years. It's the fact that he wants to move to this one city and nowhere else because it's easy for him. It's not for me though. I'm going to be emerged into this life he had years before he met me and feel like the outsider. I think I'm doing a poor job at expressing how I feel :(
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theres nothing wrong with how you feel, and the fact that he doesnt seem to respect that worries me a little. its hard moving to new places, especially without knowing anyone first. but when you do go try to make the best of it. i know its scary and im sure its not the most exciting idea but new challenges like this help you grow. i dont however think its fair for him to expect you to drop everything because he wants to move there, especially if he wouldnt do the same. its a double standard. talk to him about how you feel and why you feel that way, and always remind yourself your feelings are valid
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He tries to understand how I feel. I asked him to reverse the roles and see how he thinks he would feel and he says that would up and drop everything. But thinking you will do something can be completely different from you end up doing. He's also leaving his job here but is in the process of setting up a job in this new city. To him, it makes sense for us to move there because of his connections. But I feel like I would rather us both start over together instead of just me. I understand what he's saying, logically I guess. I'm just worried that it might put a toll on our relationship. Not because we are moving but because of where we going and I don't want him to revert into his college behavior. I'm going to try my hardest to go with an open mind and be positive about it, but sometimes I just need to know I'm not being silly by feeling this way.
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"I feel like it’s not fair of him to ask me to quit my program in school and my job and to leave everyone I know behind when he isn’t willing to make the same sacrifices and start over from scratch also."Why does he want to move? If you've got a job and is going to school and he just wants to move because he likes it there, then that's bs. Atleast wait untill you've finished your program. Sometimes what you do is move on your own to get settled in and then bring over your partner, that's something you guys could do. If you're moving though, I doubt you'll be forced into "his" old life, you will meet plenty of people on your own and find things that he's never thought of.
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I don't think you're being petty. What he's asking for you, is a lot, and especially since he doesn't seem to be able to do it, yet he asks it from you. Perhaps talking to him about it, communication is vital to a relationship. Perhaps you could work something out, perhaps not.

In the end, you're the one who has to make the decision, you have to live with it. Do what feels right. Ask yourself, is it worth it?
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Thanks everyone. We have talked about it. I am always very open about my feelings and communicative about concerns. We have come to a compromise and I feel good about the decision. It will be difficult but our relationship is worth it.


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