Raped and confused – HELP

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*WARNING* sensitive content!!

I am NOT posting this for attention, I just need some strangers’ help.
4 months ago I got raped by my boyfriend’s best friend.

One night, me, my boyfriend and his best friend all had a good evening and got drunk – bare in mind, we were in my boyfriend’s house, the safest place on EARTH in my mind, so it didn’t matter if I was drunk around people I trusted.
I passed out on my boyfriend’s bed, and my boyfriend joined me to sleep. The best friend snuggled in too. Not normal. I had no idea what had happened until the morning after(it sounds insane but it’s true), when I could put the pieces together. It wasn’t a “dragging someone down an alleyway and holding them against their will” rape, instead, he was trying to be so subtle that he wouldn’t wake my boyfriend, or me. Am i right in thinking it would be fair if his bollocks dropped right off? I am disgusted, still. I confronted him and he said I could never tell anyone because it would break so many friendships including mine with my boyfriend (yeah right).

Months went by, I hung out with him and friends just the same as if nothing as happened, my brain wanting to shrivel up into a rasin. My boyfriend could tell something was up, and eventually, I told him. My family now know, as well as my close friends, and everyone that needs to know. My boyfriend’s best friend is STILL denying it. I felt I should warn his girlfriend( yeah, i know) and when I apologised for what I was about to say, she said she already knew what I was going to say because he had already told her. “I know you slept with him” she said…… WHAT?

I went to tell my best friend and she said a similar thing, “oh I saw him at a party, he’s telling everyone you tried to sleep with him” – IF YOU’RE GOING TO TELL A LIE, TELL THE SAME ONE.

I feel like everything around me is falling apart. I hate him. I love my boyfriend so much and I feel like I should be better by now, but I’m not.

I AM seeking professional help but I want your opinions – am I being too dramatic? I know some women have it so much worse than me so I feel like my case is nothing I should be so worked up about but I am – HELP.

Category: Tags: asked April 29, 2014

7 Answers

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You're not being too dramatic. Rape is rape, no matter the circumstances under which it happens, and it's always wrong. Well done for telling people and for getting professional help. I really hope it helps you.
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Not at all. That isn't over dramatic. He is a horrible person. >.> People shouldn't be allowed to get away with stuff like that. I mean it's a long time in the making, but I think it still might be worth it to go to the authorities too.
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You are absolutely not being over-dramatic. That young man not only raped you, he slandered you to cover his ass. You have every justifiable right to be upset, and you have handled it famously.

Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer. This is my personal, unprofessional opinion.

He deserves to be thrown in jail, but so many months from the incident, no physical evidence of the rape would remain(unless you happened to have saved the unwashed clothes and bed-linens in an airtight container), so it would only be your word against his, although seeking professional help and the testimony of your therapist as to whether or not you believe you were raped in their professional opinion would go very far in validating your claim to a judge or jury.

Wipe your life clean of the boy and move on. You don't need that stain on your life, so throw it away with the deepest contempt. Make certain that everyone relevant to the issue knows that he is never welcome around you or your household ever again, and if you absolutely feel it to be necessary, you can obtain a PFA against him to keep him at a distance from your home.

Do whatever it is that you must to push your life past this disgusting point, don't let this stop you from living a happy life. You have every right to feel the way that you do.

Sexual Assault is listed as a "Crime of Basic Intent"

The approach taken in crimes of basic intent:

"Where a defendant's intoxication is voluntary and the crime is one of basic intent, the defendant is not permitted to rely on their intoxicated state to indicate that they lack the mens rea of the crime."

If you do choose to report him to the police, I wish you the best of luck. No rapist should go free.
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I'm not sure how to reply, I hope you all get this, you've all made amazing replies thank you so much. I am not pressing any charges as he's wanted to be a marine his whole life and (for some reason) I don't think it's my place to take this away from him. It does worry me that girls will find being a marine attractive and he will use that to his advantage. Thank you all very much, this site is a wonderful thing!
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You've wanted all your life to not be raped and he took that from you. It is not unknown for rape victims to forgive their rapist, but the Marines would absolutely want to know if they are employing and training sexual predators to be killing machines.
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That's not overly dramatic at all. What he did was wrong, and now he's lying to cover himself.
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you are not being too dramatic! Rape is a big deal, no matter how its done. I feel that you should talk to someone with authority so that when he goes to get a job... they know? A children's company would not be too happy knowing they were hiring a rapist..... and as for you lovely, just keep yourself busy with things that make you happy.