So, “hostage” may be an extreme word to use, but hear me out…
My bf and I have been together 4.5 years. Two years ago, I thought it would be a good time to start talking about our future in a more serious, less hypothetical way than we had before. Instantly, I was met with resistance, and a “I don’t want to talk about it yet.” I would then ask him to come to me to talk about it when he felt right about it… a week went by, a month, 6 months. So I bring it up again, and I get the same response. This eventually led us to start couples counseling, which we are now in our 3rd week of (he was hesitant to do this at first, but now sees it be important for us.)
During these sessions, we talk about our concerns about the future, and every time he speaks, I can visibly see how anxious he is discussing marriage, kids – anything thought to be permanent. So much anxiety, that our counselor asks him to stand up with hands over head and take deep breaths.
I myself deal with mental health issues, so I am trying my best to be understanding of his anxiety triggers… even if they mean my relationship goals have to take a backseat. I am turning 27 in February, and I am starting to feel worried about what this means about starting a family.
I’m sure therapy will eventually help address this, but I want to know if anyone else has experienced something similar with their significant other? Does it sounds like my bf has anxiety of these future decisions in general, or do you think something about me is affecting his confidence in the future? I’m feeling confused, worried, a bit lost about where to go from here. Thank you for reading.