Am I a back-up friend?


So, my friend hangs out with this groups of mean snobby girls. I have already told her I don’t like them, she even told me that she doesn’t either. Yet, she is always with them…
In the morning she sits with them, at lunch it’s them, lunch recess them (even though I have asked over 3 times for her to sit with me). Plus on the bus (when I sit right in front of her) she doesn’t talk to me until one of the group’s girls that rides gets off.
I have told her how all of this makes me feel, but it goes on and on. We used to be so close, just this last summer I went to Branson with her… THAT’S OUT OF STATE I have to be a really good friend to be invited to that, the only one invited.

asked October 19, 2013

7 Answers

Yea Lg has it right. Your friend is just trying to fit in. The fact that you don't like those girls, they may not care for you either, in turn your friend chooses to not talk to you so that she doesn't look bad. If the 'popular' girls don't think your 'cool enough' than your friend will follow suit and go allow with everything they say or do.
It's not exactly that you are a backup friend. I'm sure that you are a real friend to her. She will share with you more than anyone of those girls because you actually care and she can be herself to the fullest. ..But she is not going to be your friend while they are around. She is showing that to you and she will continue to do this.
Your friend either needs to grow up a little and understand that she can talk to whoever she wants to or that if these cool girls are really cool than they wont care who she talks to. If not than I would suggest you pulling away from her if talking to her doesn't help. She probably won't stop doing this and I mean, it's kinda normal for some people to act like this, wanting that attention and being cool, but really you shouldn't be pushed aside and picked up whenever she's alone. Don't be a part time friend. Don't be mad at your friend, don't be mean, but just don't be someone she uses.
I have a feeling that your friend sees these snobs as the popular friends, and they accept your friend as one of them. But these girls come at a price-dump you or don't come back. I suggest that if she's too far in as a member of the group, that you cut your ties with her. Though it hurts, and you'll feel like you won't find a new friend like the one you're being abandoned by, you'll find friends that won't leave you or become snobs like your best friend did. I'm afraid that you might be turning into a friendship nubbin, or back-up friend, and if it continues, your life will get more complicated than ever.
1) Confront her again and "demand" to know why she acts the way she does;2) She is splitting her attention between you and those girls. Find someone else who will split your attention. Maybe she just needs to miss you a little bit; she might have taken you for granted: make her see that you only should be there for her if she deserves it ;)Good Luck!
Try not to worry too much on this. My best friend, who i have known since birth-literally I'm 6 hours older, has done this to me for years. We've had our fights and it would get better, but we don't talk like we use too or hang out as much. She even chose her other bff, who was pretty nasty to me, to be her bridesmaid at her wedding. And guess who is also the god-mom.....It hurts, but it is better to let go of what you can not change. You just have to wait it out. Heck, branch out yourself! Im only a freshman in college, i don't have my friends anymore, but i have managed to make new ones. And when she decides to come back to you, you tell her how you feel. Tell her its not fair, because frankly it isn't.Good luck. :)
Back up friend is a harsh word to use. You are not the problem your friend is. You are a good friend and your friend may have lost sight that a good friend is better then a popular one. It sounds like your friend is trying to impress people or be popular (which I think is pretty much over rated)
"Don’t spend time with someone who doesn’t care spending it with you." Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Yes . You are a back-up friend .