Alcoholic parent.

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My mother is an alcoholic and my sisters and I are tired of her shit. She acts like she’s the only one with problems. We’re tired of having to baby sit her because she treat hens to kill herself. She never does it. She says it for the attention. I’m not saying I want her dead, I love her. But she needs to change. We’re all older now& soon going to leave. We can’t always be there and she needs to get over it and learn how to deal with her issues. Everyone has issues and stress.

Thank you everyone for your advice and messages. I appreciate it a lot and have read them all.

Category: Tags: asked September 30, 2013

11 Answers

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accepted
sounds like mom is going to have to learn the hard way....it wont be pretty. but she will land on her feet. Life goes on. My experiance with alcholics is that the desiese (sorry, i knoe my spelling is bad), the illness forces every conversation into a circle. Im betting the whole senerio has played out nearly word for word over and over and over and over agaon...for years....and when that is the case, theres NOTHING that can be said that is gonna get through to her....so what is left is she learns the hard way, life goes on, childern grow up into adults, not babysitters.....I do have one suggestion tho. once your ready to move out and live life, you could get piece of mind by finding a live in home health xare worker....might help.
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You need to make her see what she's doing. If she's left there alone it could go horribly wrong. You need to force her to a rehabilitation program or just sit her down and have an intervention. Let her know what she's doing to her family and how she is acting.
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We've tried, her sisters & brothers have tried. Nothing gets through to her. She doesn't care. But thank you for taking time to listen and respond. I appreciate it.
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Sadly, alcoholics usually think they are right about everything and can be so hard headed. Maybe try and see who she is closest with (and I don't mean someone she drinks with) to maybe get through to her into getting some help. There is a lot of emotional things going on that brought on her drinking. It's usually caused by emotion. Another idea is to maybe show her this site. She may be too embarrassed to use it in front of you but she may use it on her own and possibly seek advice. Who knows, this may change her mind.
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I might be bias about this buttt........
Your mother is alcoholic and your "tired of her shit?" Honey, she has an addiction even if she wanted to "stop her shit" it wouldn't be easy. You come off like the biggest ass in this, like saying "I'm not saying I want her dead" I'm pretty sure no one assumed that untill you said it, unless you thought the extremely bitchy way you worded it made it come off that way.
You need to put all of this hate behind you and actually get your hands dirty and help her. Because, this didn't come off as a question it came off as a teens pissy rant.
It's not going to be easy but if you love her like you say you do, you can't just leave, it's the hand you were dealt and you're stuck playing it.
I also don't know what state you live in, but there are certain ones who will do almost all the work for you if you call the right places.
My mom actually did kill herself out of the blue one day,and was an alcoholic, never mentioned it to anyone, no one ever knew anything was wrong. You know somethings wrong you have the chance to save her life and I suggest you do it.
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I agree with Robin. You cannot help those who don't want to help themselves. They will keep talking and discussing everything in circles. She has to want to receive help before you can offer.
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@MandaMae I'm very sorry for your loss.My sisters and I have dealt with this problem she has for as long as I can remember, 12 years . I'm pretty sure I have a right to be fed up with her shit. We've all have tried helping her and telling her how much we love her. But she is still stuck on my sisters passing about 10 years ago as well. We all lost her, not just her. I understand it's her daughter, but the grieving hasn't passed because of the alcohol. Get my hands dirty? I have, I've hidden knives, scissors, etc. I've forcefully taken pills out of her mouth. Ive gotten my hands dirty. I do thank you for your message though.
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Dealing with someone close to you being an alcoholic or addict is always really hard. Yes, it is a disease and yes, she is having a rough time, but she can not put everything on you. Her being an alcoholic is absolutely not your fault and she shouldn't be trying to place blame on you. I completely get why you would be tired of it. Even though she is your mom, if she refuses to go into treatment or get help but continues hurting you and your sisters, that is wrong. Please do not feel responsible for you mom. You have to live your life and your mom can't rely on you to solve everything for her.
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Have you thought about putting her in a rehabilitation centre? They can teach her how to do this and cope with the things she never thought she could without alcohol. That way it puts less stress on you and your family and it helps her too.
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I grew up in an alcoholic household; stepdad was a drunk, and my mom was constantly wigged out about it. I got tired of the fights, his drunkenness, etc,., and I identify with the depth of the anger and resentment you feel. Doesn't mean you don't LOVE someone just because you are sick of their shit. And somehow, knowing that it's an addiction and illness doesn't make it that much easier to live with. Getting out of the house will be the best thing for you, as soon as possible. I know when I moved out for college and then marriage, I felt like I was leaving a burning building. Places like this site where you can vent are helpful. So are therapists, friends, and even writing in a journal. You need some help to survive in a crazy situation. I'm free to talk anytime you need. Just know that you're not responsible for your mom's behavior, her choices, and her addiction. It's her life, and she'll change if she becomes ready to change, not before. :o/
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