Hello! I suppose I’ll jump right in with the details – from the age of fifteen to seventeen, just a little under three years, I dated a colossal jerk. He emotionally manipulated and abused me to the point where I felt like he was the only one who cared enough to even be cruel, and this eventually led to physical abuse and cheating (multiple times, all on his part) which was the last straw for me. I ended the relationship. I’m now nearing my twenty-first birthday and since then I’ve been too socially anxious and generally horrifically uncomfortable around other people to get involved with someone new. Other than being stood up a few times and a few never-repeated first dates, I’ve been pretty cut off from the dating scene, mostly because I haven’t felt ready for it. This past year, however, I’ve met wonderful new friends (and yes, I appear to have fallen for one of them if the months-long romantic affection is anything to go by) and I’m far more confident and social than I’ve ever been.
With this in mind, I’d like some advice about how to go about alleviating the anxiety I feel at the thought of trusting someone enough to date them. I have trust issues and I’m haphephobic, so a lot of touching is well off the table. I feel like I’m setting myself up for failure and I can’t even bring myself to tell this wonderful friend who I totally trust that I would be interested if he thought likewise. Any help would be much appreciated. Thank you.