Advice on how to move on from anxiety?

1

Hello! I suppose I’ll jump right in with the details – from the age of fifteen to seventeen, just a little under three years, I dated a colossal jerk. He emotionally manipulated and abused me to the point where I felt like he was the only one who cared enough to even be cruel, and this eventually led to physical abuse and cheating (multiple times, all on his part) which was the last straw for me. I ended the relationship. I’m now nearing my twenty-first birthday and since then I’ve been too socially anxious and generally horrifically uncomfortable around other people to get involved with someone new. Other than being stood up a few times and a few never-repeated first dates, I’ve been pretty cut off from the dating scene, mostly because I haven’t felt ready for it. This past year, however, I’ve met wonderful new friends (and yes, I appear to have fallen for one of them if the months-long romantic affection is anything to go by) and I’m far more confident and social than I’ve ever been.

With this in mind, I’d like some advice about how to go about alleviating the anxiety I feel at the thought of trusting someone enough to date them. I have trust issues and I’m haphephobic, so a lot of touching is well off the table. I feel like I’m setting myself up for failure and I can’t even bring myself to tell this wonderful friend who I totally trust that I would be interested if he thought likewise. Any help would be much appreciated. Thank you.

Category: Tags: asked September 26, 2014

3 Answers

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Aw I feel ya on the not being able to trust someone part.. To be honest, if I were you, just always have open communication with people. If they try to get close to you or touch you, just tell them why and they'll understand. As for dating people.. Take it slow. Get to know someone as much as possible, ya know? Learn to trust and don't jump into things too fast. Things will come in time, and sometimes time is the only thing that will really heal things. And if nothing else works, find a school counselor or therapist to talk to. Talking about things can ease anxiety, but I'm sure they've got exercises that can help with anxiety as well. :)
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I can relate to this like you have no idea. Trying to go back into the dating scene after a terrible relationship is super hard. For me after dealing with a similar situation I just had to take some time for myself and realize who I am before that person changed me- and slowly divert to that. it's nice that you are able to like someone again! But trust issues is something that you will get over quickly. Just take it day by day and realize that you are starting a clean slate with that person, even if they are just a friend, and to not compare that to your past, because you over all have control of your future and what you want out of it.With that being said anxiety is the feeling of loss of control and it usually spirals from there. Just remind yourself- if you don't trust that person, then don't. Take baby steps, and if that person doesn't understand then just communicate it to them. Nothing is wrong with that. But if you are afraid of taking that leap of faith, you just have to do it and just trust yourself along the way. I hope that helped!
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What she said and get a counseler and/or pschyologist. It worked for me, since I have OCD, but make sure they are a good one!