Advice on friends?


Ive tried to keep the group intact but everyone seems too self focused. When some were too drunk to even walk, I look for a taxi at 3 in the morning and drag their asses home. When some start to doubt themselves, doubt everything, then turn to cutting; I give them the same care ive ever given into talking it out for years. When they have no money or food, I give til im broke.

but they always seem to forget all that. I love them very much and admittedly, some of them have tougher lives than me but lately ive been feeling very used. They dont go the lengths i do when i need them most, or at all. I dont even have them to talk to, im relying on strangers from a therapy site.

I feel like everyone ive ever met either cares too much about themselves, or not enough about anything/everything. and im worried that’ll be everyone ill ever meet from this point on. Nothing ever feels worth it anymore. Im starting to think like some misanthropic emo preteen. what do i do now?

Category: asked July 12, 2015

2 Answers

I also believe, as the person who commented before me, that you need to sit down with your friends. Communication plays a big role in any relationship, be it your mother, boyfriend, or friend. It seems that you are going to great lengths to help your friends. But who is helping you? It's good that you have such a big heart. It's such a rare thing nowadays. But you must think of yourself. And it's not selfish. And it's not that you don't care for them. It's that you are a human, just as they are, and although you may not have suffered the same struggles as they have, you deserve the care and love all the same. And don't feel guilty about that. It seems the friendships you are in are one-sided. You are giving and not receiving. And it's hurtful, because you think people would maintain this sort of balance in friendships. But that is not always the case. The only way you will be able to resolve this issue is by sitting down with them and telling them exactly how you feel. And it may be uncomfortable. More than likely it will be awkward. But it is important. Chances are, they will feel remorse and try to be a better friend. And if they don't change after you telling them how you feel, you can then decide if you would like to remain as friends or end the friendship. But even if that happens, you will know that you did your part. You cared for them, you told them how you felt, and they didn't change, so you severed ties with them. I really hope things work out for you.
I think it could help if you sat down, thought a bit about how much can you give without getting anything in return, and set that limit for yourself. After that, any time you go over that limit, it's not your friends' fault anymore if you feel unfairness with them, it's yours. This will take a lot of figuring out how much is enough based on other people's reciprocation on your efforts, and it will help you investing your resources in the future people you meet, before you find yourself again in the same situation with them.