Abusive Boyfriend….


Me and this boy have been dating for almost 5 months now and his controlling ways are getting worse. I know I deserve better. I’m well aware. And I’m really stupid for staying, but I’m scared to leave. He tells me I can or can’t do this or that. But I’m afraid he’s gonna stalk me or try to hit me or something physically abusive if I try to leave him. I don’t want to be with him. I need help. He’s been to prison before and I think I over looked that a little too easily. How do I deal with it? I don’t want to go to my mom. She’s too “I told you so”. My uncle is a police man and knows my boyfriend. I found this out a few days ago. He seems like a good option to go to for help since he’s dealt with him before. But I don’t know what it means for me afterwards when I do end it. Is he going to come to my house and seek revenge? Try to kill me when no witness is around? Rape me? He’s already tried to get physical in a store as he’s yelling at me and I’m trying to walk away and he grabs my arm tightly…. Help. Please….

Category: Tags: asked July 30, 2015

3 Answers

Good for you for realizing that you definitely deserve better than the abusive situation that you're in and reaching out to get the help that you need, that's really brave of you! It's important that you remove yourself from this situation before things begin to get worse. If he has already put his hands on you, there is a great likelihood things will escalate from there, and that's the last thing you want.

It's a really scary situation feeling trapped in a situation where you feel out of control, but luckily there are a ton of resources out there to help you. This is a page (by Dr. Phil surprisingly hahah, but still) on a bunch of things that you can do in order to prepare yourself to make a safe exit from the relationship, and this is another guide with a bunch of useful information. Some of this may not be relevant if you're not currently living with your partner, but a lot of the information is still very helpful.

Also, the fact that you have your uncle in the law force is very valuable. If you feel as though you can confide in him about this (which I really hope is the case), I definitely would as he probably has even more resources to help you with. He'd likely be able to get you a restraining order and things of the sort in order to keep you safe once you end the relationship.

It's a difficult situation you're in, but you realize there's a problem and by forming a plan, there's definitely a way out. I wish you the best of luck!
Your fears are very valid. Abuse doesn't just end. It's a cycle and it can kill you.

"I told you so" from your mother is worth the ability to be free. Tell your mom, tell your uncle, and get help. A restraining order will help you press legal charges if he violates it but it can't keep you safe.

You have to be strong through this. Take a self defense course. Take mace with you. It's time to break up and it's time to be strong because you are a strong and confident woman and you deserve more.
Thank you guys so much! This has given me so much confidence. I actually feel like I can do this. My sister is getting out if an abusive marriage. And I want to leave before I'm legally tied down to this man. I'm going to try talking to my dad and see what I can do. Again, thank you.