a healthy relationship


i just got out of an abusive marriage. i am with someone new now that i trust and love i want things to work with us, but lately there have been some obstacles. he seems upset about me showing off my body. it is my body and there’s nothing shameful about it so i should be able to do as i please, and he should accept that part of me. i have brought this up for us to talk about but i always end up moving backwards and telling him how sorry i am and that i should’ve never brought it up. i want him to love me for me and the way i feel and the things that i do. but i’m so afraid of confronting him about things that bother me because i don’t want him to leave me.

Category: asked August 4, 2014

3 Answers

I think you shouldn't be with someone and deal with 'obstacles' because you don't want them to leave you. You just got out of a really difficult situation, and deserve better! Better doesn't mean someone else who will control you but won't hit you... In a relationship, you should be equals. If you're scared to talk to him about something that makes you feel uncomfortable, what kind of relationship is that? I'm not sure what kinds of clothes he considers to be too showy, or what you want to wear, but if we're talking a tank top and shorts, then that's just pure unjust control on his part. If you want to go out in a sports bra, he may feel uncomfortable based on your past situation. Maybe he doesn't even KNOW you want to wear the other clothes! You NEED to talk to him, so you can both state what you believe, and why you think it's right/wrong. If the clothes you want to wear are reasonable in each situation and he leaves you, then good! He can go control someone else and you can BE YOURSELF and feel confident with who YOU are! Keep in mind no one knows your full situation. If you want to talk in more detail, you can message me. All the best.
I think you might be falling back into old habits, letting things go in a certain way, because you fear being alone. Now it's the time to reinforce the change you put in place by leaving your husband, through walking a few small steps and assert yourself. Yes, he could leave you, but he also could stay, and the relationship you have will be even better because you let him deal with his problem (his emotional reaction to how you dress) on his own, and you got to see what happens when things don't go his way, and (if things go well) it was acceptable.
Of course you don't go in detail about it, so we don't know the context. If it's something like not dressing as he would like you to for his work social events, then work-etiquette advisers would say comply or not go.
Successful relationships are defined by communication and compromise. Too often one person states that their partner "will not accept me for who I am" without knowing why their partner feels that way.
Talk about it with him! Find out the basis of his objection! He may feel that you dont love and respect him when you "show off your body". But you have to talk about it to find out for certain! If you respect his opinion you may decide that you want to make him happy. If you decide that his reasoning is selfish then he may not be the one for you! But that just covers communication.
All successful couples will compromise to make the relationship work long term. That doesn't mean that you give in every time or even on things that are very important to you. If this issue defines who you are, then don't compromise. Explain how important it is to you. Maybe he will accept this and the relationship will last. If not, then move on to someone that appreciates your desire to "show off".